Fight the feeling boy
Stare the devil in the eye
Pierce his soul now
Author notes
I am not sure I got the last line 100% correct, but yeah let me know if its not I will complete it.
A contest entry
- 7000 HAIKU by DogFish.
1800 points, ended May 13, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Time for me to be at peace.
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i like it, them few lines, them few words, created a wonderful message, haha, i always have love 4 u 2 adam. =) ttyl hopefully.
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"I am not sure I got the last line 100% correct..."
as another contestant mentioned in their notes; there is a problem with the 5-7-5 rule to haiku once you stop writing them in Japanese. The rules of Phonetics in English says that "Pierce" is one syllable, but in Japanese no word would have 3 consonants (PRC) bunched together like that in one syllable. Google the"Waka 2001 for Japan" web site, a casual glance at the poetry and the translation there will help you to see what I mean...you wonder if "Pierce" can count as two syllables, in reality "transliterated" into japanese they would make it three syllables.
You poem is drametic and dynamic, if it has a flaw for this contest, it is not in the rhythm but in the fact that you have made no referance to nature or the seasons as mentioned in the rules.Nonetheless thanks for make a stab at it!
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senryu rather than haiku, but very riveting never-the-less.
tanka:
fly the arrow to the bull
tame yourself and live in full -
autumn always had her way
with devastating whispers -
I love this...
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Sometimes we do have to stare the devil down to be able to be able to walk away from temptation. A very nice senryu. No nature, but a nice write.
Kelli
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