I'm rushing to the station, to climb aboard a train
To start a brand new journey, find Summertime again
The people on the platform are those I leave behind
They are not there in person but as a state of mind.
I see them in my minds eye, they're wearing winter clothes
Yet underneath they're naked, it's natural I suppose,
To see the hidden feelings, that they keep wrapped up inside
I'm leaving them behind me, to travel far and wide.
I hear the whistle blowing, it's time to say goodbye
This time I'm really going and I will tell you why
My friends are out there waiting to join in all the fun
The beach of life is golden now that Summer has begun.
Author notes
Are you coming?
A contest entry
- Rhyme and Flow part 1 Summertime - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
8000 points, ended May 16, 51 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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I always adore your poetry, so does Sue. I'm packed ready to join you. Another poem I would happily gove a gold to and I am sure we'll be giving you some proper cups before Summer is out.
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I have my ticket and sun lotion what time dies this carrier of dreams leave the station? don't want to miss the fun you have described Save me a seat
Excellent
I wonder if you had thought of dropping the word (up) in line 7 "that they keep wrapped up inside" It seems to me to upset the balance a little what do you think?
Thats only my opinion and does not detract from an excellent piece
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this reminds me of boyhood bliss , good luck lovely poem xx peter
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What a wonderful way to think, reminds me of when I see the first daffodil in spring.It always lightens my heart and warms my senses of the promise to come.
Just one little beat missing to make it perfect.
( that they keep wrapped up inside) add an up it flows much better.
Wonderful thanks for sending me the summertime.
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I really like it. The metaphor and rhyme are great. i had one catch with the flow but when I read it a second and thirt time it was barely even noticable. It really is a fine poem. You've done a great job. I hope you do well in that contest.
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emotional
this was wonderfully written. I really loved the mental picture and can see this playing out in my mind's eye. This was a great write and good luck in hte contest.
. Rewarded 4
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Promise...sing
They are not there in person but as a state of mind ... an independant mouse clicked fortuitously upon a predestinned poem ... light-hearted and enjoyable
. Rewarded 4
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In summer, the song sings itself. ~William Carlos Williams
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I'm coming, wait for me!...you painted a picture of seasonal change, as well as the mood that goes along with each season. Well done, thanks for sharing.
Sassy
. Rewarded 4
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Ros
another poem filled with a perfect flow and a gentle touch. You keep them coming soft and sweet and though most may not notice your poem are always complete.
. Rewarded 4
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liked this poem quite alot! gives me a feeling of a journey from winter to summer and how you would rather be in summer. thanks for a great read
. Rewarded 4
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