High-pitched panic,
this violin just doesn't shut up,
and neither do I.
A humble offering,
prove to you what I am,
just maiden apple lust.
Whether I'm good
enough to belong to your heart
remains to be felt ... heartbeat.
Author notes
Prompt:#7. http://tn1-3.pv.deviantart.com/fs17/150/f/2007/123/e/d/The_Offering_by_TheTragicTruth_Of_Me.jpg
A contest entry
- Quotes, Pictures, Lyrics, Words & Titles by Midnight-x-Rose.
550 points, ended May 15, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
awww that's truly sad, if based on truth I am sure that you are worth it... but I am left feeling this way too, I guess time can be the only true teller.
-
Okay. I don't know why, but it doesn't exactly have the right...flow.
-
-
Possibly the most vague comment I've ever had...I disagree with what you say, and also question the applause if you really feel the way you say you did. When you criticize, can't you be more specific?
-
-
I like this poem because I can see everything.
I didn't even have to look at the picture [did anyway though haha]. Very cool. I liked these lines:
"High-pitched panic"
Soft amount of alliteration. I can hear the sound.
"Whether I'm good
enough to belong to your heart
remains to be felt"
I like this because it goes along with a lot of what poets say, but you also convey the message in a way that most poets don't. Different and similar at the same time. :]
Always awesome to read your stuff. Good luck in the contest!
-Lily♥
-
-
Originally, I was gonna write "remains to be seen", but I changed it to "felt" immediately because it sounded more authentic and less cliched. Thanks for your comments.
-
-
You throw a lot of questions, in a good way..sets one thinking..All the best!
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
