between my fingers
i can see butterflies dance
the glass falls away
Author notes
Haiku
A contest entry
- 7000 HAIKU by DogFish.
1800 points, ended May 13, 2008, 45 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Startled like a good haiku should give
This is extraordinarily clear, and so very deep, oh yes just fitting your username as well! What's neat about "between my fingers" going into the next line is it doesn't encourage picking up the insect, making it feel all scared. But, rather maybe getting close to them, only watching them be normal with flutters, maybe actually being extra secure.
I don't believe I have noticed you do a haiku before, so you have a great start on them here, and after reading the aha a few times I realize the abstract cracks flying across. Resonance seems powerful on the surface [which it is,] but even more. One way is experiencing openness without being caged in both cases, you're taking time to notice what affects in nature more lively than an approximate picture. Also reminds me of science, taking close look upon things in serious action.
Right to the point, spreading a lot of ideas for me,
PIA-K -
ouch!
the dream so close to my heart
unattainable for my hand
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Oh dear... That is a very interesting.. Tale woven in the form of a haiku - I haven't really read anything like it before..
Very beautiful.
WOnderful job, and best of luck in your contest
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*picks up the glass*
Well done Donna
Fantastic
Simon
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awwww this is abs beautiful, i love it, great job and good luck
take care
stephanie
now a try at a tanka lol
"Butterflies screeched freedom,
biding wishes to come true"
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What a fabulous haiku!! Again, I admire anyone who can do these and get so much across in so few words... this is just lovely
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striking haiku
tanka:
dancing with the butterfly
barriers gone, we are one -
Very nice haiku. Clever vision of clarity.
Marlene
2 lines to make a tanka:
the sky cloudless as we meet
only our hearts are beating
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two thumbs up on that reply, Marlene!
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love it
love the image and the ku. Kendhal22
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on wings of a butterfly
I dream myself for her wings
love your ku doll
Mal
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Excellent.
champaigne sihlouette lingers
where two water bodies bathe
lol
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This is a beautifully written haiku. You need to make the first two lines lower case, and then you will have a very nice piece of poetry. Good luck!
Kelli -
I actually really like "between my fingers" a lot better anyway...it makes better sense.
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This is a magnificent Haiku. An enjoyable read, and I am sure it is going to do quite well in the comp. Best wishes!
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