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You remind me of a former love

Eyes as daggers
slithering through my mind
Sickening me
with every inch you crawl
A dark menace.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • foreverair
    May 24, 2008

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    o_O

    "Sickening me
    with every inch you crawl"
    wow, I like that line, for some strange reason. this is a nice piece, because you manage to convey such strong meaning in such few words. good luck!


  • Falcon SilverWolf
    May 24, 2008

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    oo i very much like this one. It is very thoughtful and carefully written to were you can say so much in a short amount of lines. very well written


  • notorious gold member
    April 26, 2008

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    "Eyes acting as daggers"
    This line could have more brevity with a more simple and blunt "Dagger eyes/slithering through my mind".

    "A dark menace." =D Like a shadowy supervillain!


  • Kelli Marie
    April 25, 2008

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    I have seen those eyes many more times than I would like to. This is a very well written piece of poetry. Good luck.
    Kelli