Young Teddy went to Dancing School to solve his great dilemma ~
he wanted to increase his odds of going out with Emma.
Now Ted was not a handsome boy, with ears like handlebars,
and a mouth crammed full of jutting teeth made it hard to say his ‘R’s.
They sounded more like ‘W’s: ‘Recruit’ became ‘wecwoot’
so instead of risking ridicule, poor Ted stayed mostly mute.
The dancing classes went quite well until one Friday night,
when suddenly his teacher said, “Now, who will you invite?
“It’s time to get a partner, Ted. You can’t dance on your own.
It’s time to ask that special girl ~ is there someone you can phone?”
Poor Ted went scarlet in the face, and broke out in a sweat…
he knew with sinking heart that this was something he’d regret.
The day then dawned to make that call, and Ted was in a spin.
He dialled with shaking fingers and his voice came out all thin…
“Uh, hullo Emma, this is Ted ~ you know ~ fwom English Lit?
And Maths and Twigonometwy and Fwench with Mrs Pitt?”
“…It’s who?” asked Emma testily, not trying very hard
to place his voice, or classes, for he'd caught her quite off-guard.
He stammered more inanities, then grabbed his only chance ~
he cast around to find a way to ask her out to dance.
“I need a fwiend to pwactice with, evewy Fwiday night
at Wosie’s Dance Academy… I…I thought you’d do alwight.”
Emma's not a kindly girl and charity not her style,
but mischief-making was such fun… she smiled a wicked smile.
“Why, Ted,” said she, “How nice you are to ask me out with you.”
Though who this silly caller was, she didn’t have a clue.
Come Friday, Ted dressed smartly for his very special date,
and he hurried through his supper for he didn’t dare be late.
He walked around to Emma’s house, a posy in his hand,
“I’m sure she’ll be impwessed with Wosie’s Wacy Wagtime Band!”
…The shock was hard to swallow when she opened up the door ~
Ted’s face went red, then scarlet when he saw what Emma wore:
Her hair was spiked and gaudy in a range of rainbow hues,
and on her feet she sported two big clunky platform shoes.
“Let’s go, then, shall we?” Emma said and gave a cheeky pout,
and Ted was treated to the sight of two front teeth blacked out.
Not wanting to be daunted, young Ted still saw his chance
to prove he was a ‘somebody’, and show that he could dance...
That night he danced the Tango, and the Foxtrot and the Waltz,
then he danced a nifty Quickstep with exhilarating schmaltz.
He danced the mighty Mambo, then the Rumba with aplomb,
and Emma felt as though it was her first night at the prom!
Her feet, they barely touched the floor the whole entire night,
regardless of the fact that they were not exactly light.
And by the time he took her home, young Teddy was on fire,
and Emma couldn’t help herself ~ she truly did admire
the way he hit that dance floor, and how he moved his feet…
and underneath his shyness…well…he was really rather sweet.
A contest entry
- Rhyming Rumble Round 3 ( part 3 of a 3 part series) by RuthKephart.
1000 points, ended May 9, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything & Everything Old or New by piccola.
600 points, ended August 30, 2008, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Turn that silver into Gold pt 9 by whispernthedark.
400 points, ended October 18, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Humorous Poetry by FloridaGatorQueen.
525 points, ended December 17, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - (#209) I can see the humor in that :) by daviscth.
600 points, ended July 2, 30 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Out Rhyme Rakerman1 by piccola.
900 points, ended June 6, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 47 of 47
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Awww...
I like this piece alot! It is fun, humorous, and sweet (especially the ending). I like the flow and pacing. Both variations from the 14 syllable structure work well, especially L22 (L10 was jarring for me on the first read; I found the rhythm easily on the second read).
A few things I noted...
L14 “He dialled” -> dialed
L15 “Uh, hullo Emma,…” -> hullo, Emma (to be consistent with later punctuation)
L16 “Mrs Pitt?”” -> Mrs.
Very, very nice!
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This is a good poem...
Not that I know much... I agree with some others. It was a big-build up to a let-down conclusion. There was no punch or aha moment. I built up expectations to some information you gave. Give it the aha moment and I know you will see GOLD. Other than that it was good.
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Amazing..This is really sweet, and a happy dance after all. Brillant work!
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An extremely enjoyable read How you managed to keep up Ted words the way you did must have taken some doing Bet spell check went barmy
Great rhyme Good luck in the contest
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I had so much reading this and I couldn't wait to see how it ended!!! I loved the humor in your story. Thank you so much for the laugh.
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This is very cute! It's a sweet little sotry from so many angles ... I relaly odn't have much else to say, besides thank you thank you thank you for sharing!
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I think
you wrote a very cool story here, with potential. I think there i a danger of losing your reader (most with short attention spans) on a longer piece like this (I write long rhyming stories as well). I think you have to go back and challenge every line.... is it critical in taking you towards your conclusion? i.e., I didn;t get why she dressed up so silly... I kept waiting for his speech impetiment to pronounce something wrong that was missinterpreted as something else, i.e., a masqurade ball (so she thought and why she dressed up???) just a thought. Your rhyming and meter was good.. I just think you have some extra lines just for the sake of rhyming that don't really do anything for the reader... does that make sense? Not being critical, trying to be helpful. It was a fun and enjoyablee read - Kevin
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Now Ted was not a handsome boy, with ears like handlebars,
and a mouth crammed full of jutting teeth made it hard to say his ‘R’s.
lmao, this is such a cute poem!
I really enjoyed it.
thank you for making my day. -
Aww that is nice.
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Oh, this was truly delightful and
so much fun
Excellently composed
I say, well done!
~Mary O
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You know, I have screamed for years that a poem has to have a lattice going two ways. One with characters and the other with background to create a storyline. Good golly, miss Molly, this does both. There is always a moral to the story whether poets want to admit it or not. Some just fall so far short that they won't accept my ideal because they just spill their guts into an empty parking lot. You nailed this for me. It is not about rhyming or free verse. It is about making the story come alive. You did this in such an eloquent way. I applaud your write no matter what other critics might have to say. RC
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LOL!
This was a funny story that kept
you on the edge of your seat.
I thought the girl was awful for
playing such bad tricks on Ted.
But it was a joy to see Ted
triumph over immaturity.
Nicely done
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love this! very funny! great job:]
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love this! very funny! great job:]
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A great story throughout the piece.
It's a very enjoyable read.
Great job =) -
It's hard to cast a judgment poetically on such an entertaining story. And poetry is the fitting media because of the tempo in the verse that you keep; it unfolds the story at just the right pace. If I had to critique this I'd say simply it made me chuckle was worth the read and stands up as a poem and story both. Very well done, I felt at first daunted by the length but after starting it unfolded with ease of reading, and as some say the easiest poetry to read through is by far the best.
Thanks for an enjoyable poem. -
this is cute, and a fascinating tale reminding me of elmer fudd, and yet the magic of the tale is within its most human dilemmas. very well done.
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I avoided clicking on this because I did not expect much, to be honest. So many attempts at humorous poetry just don't quite make it, but I am pleased to say that this piece is delightful! You are very talented with rhyme. That is something I do not say very often. Thank you for featuring this so that I might have the chance to read it. So glad I finally clicked.
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This is so cute, turned out different than I expected, just too cute.
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Might I suggest....
....a last verse:-
Ted was standing sheepishly hoping for some kissing
Then he saw her teeth weren't black - two of them were missing
Making an excuse Ted said, "Emma, I must depart,"
And that was just how Teddy went and broke poor Emma's heart!
Not brilliant, but just a thought.
Luv,
Robin.
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My gast has...
.....never been so flabbered that you didn't win outright gold with this wonderfully constructed piece.
I think it's absolutely marvellous ; funny, witty, innovative, and with superb rhyme.
The flow is generally excellent, but may I be so bold as to suggest a couple of changes which I believe would perfect it :- "he'd caught her quite offguard" and "Emma's not a kindly girl."
The only other comment I would make is that I would write a different ending - yours is rather weak IMHO.
Perhaps Ted could have chanced a goodbye kiss on the lips, only to find, horror of horrors, that her two front teeth are not blacked-out ; they're missing!
Anyway, I feel a bit of a cad being pedantic, because THIS, in my opinion, is wonderful writing, and one of the finest poems I've read, after about 4 years on this site.
If I could give you more than 3 bananas, I would.
Keep it up.
Festive felicitations,
Robin.
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This was sweet and funny. He ended up with the girl in the end after being a mumbling idiot in the beginning. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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Ha ha..Delightful.
A wonderful story you have penned here, I really loved it.
Congratulations on your awards, well done.
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Oh this is so sweet! I love the use of the w's, and you tell such a story, you drew me in and kept me, which is really hard to do. Great poem, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.
♥
whisper
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What a beastly little twit and you paint a vivid picture with your words. I'm glad she saw the light at the end. You describe his speech and write it out very nicely as well. I was smiling all along and really like your rhyme.
thank you for entering -
This long and I read it to the last.
You are a real story teller.That too in poetic form.
Too much and too good is my (a poets) loosing grace.
No harm I shall learn and hope for the best.
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Bandit appreciation!
Wow! Thank you for supporting The Poetic Bandits reading list by contributing this fantastic humourous poem, and congratulations on the HM
~Lilac
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Interesting to say the least
Congrats on the HM
♥
Stay safe
~Manda
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I loved the easy rhyme and rhythm of this playful piece, and the story it told made me smile. You did a wonderful job painting the scene. I must admit, though, that the ending is slightly anti-climatic, but it was an enjoyable piece nonetheless.
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Looks like a dancer who could be in the tv dancing contest. LOL Liked the rhythm rhyme and flow in these lines. Liked the tale you share in these lines - enjoyable read.
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This is a wonderful poem of a self-conscience fellow who sought to build his confidence through dance lessons and a self absorbed young lady that learned a lesson about judging people and had a change of heart. This poem and narrative story flows to a delightful conclusion. Your rhyme is tight and very well done! Thanks for sharing! I am going to bookmark this gem!
Dennis
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Wow wow wow! I am speechless and word-less But I think I should tell you it's one of those great poems that melts your heart and lets you feel a different feeling, even makes you want to become a nicer person. So well done. I love it!
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Too sweet of a read, grand writing skills here as the words flowed with ease and oh that imagery I seen the dance floor light up talent shines with the rhyming something I admire...
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Well done and the rhyme scheme with the trouble saying r's fits my brother to a T. Way to go.
May the Stars Light Your Path.
DarkWind
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This is a wonderful poem... I love the whole thing, the rhyme is amazing, and the characters are very well crafted... congratulations on the honorable mention - this was a very enjoyable poem and I had fun reading it (I'm glad it had a happy ending!)
Keep writing
Polly
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Wow, what a lovely poem. The story is really cute and I like the rhyming very much.
Thanks for sharing this and congrats on the green trophy!
Keep on writing!
Annie
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Congratulations on your HM!
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WAY TO GO!
This is SO good!!! You must have spent more than a few hours honing this one to a tee. I wish you the very very best!
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What a delightful tale. I knew a few Emmas, what Teddy needs to know, is a sonnet works even better!!!
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Ahhh.... this is truly sweet, you have worked really hard on this with rhyme and metre. A pleasant surprise reading this, something I wouldn't have missed for the world.
Katie
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Wispectfully womantic.
I LOVED this. ~Pamela 
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LOVED THIS!!! A true work of rhyming rhythmic art!!!
Well worth the wait-you always never cease to amaze and astound!!
Love Hilly
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What a cute and clever story you have penned! I weally, weally, like it! **
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wisk
widicule?
weally!
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A really good poem full of fun.It teaches us also not to judge too quickly.Well done, Ros
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Ahhhhhh...how sweet this was. Great story line and the meter and rhyme simply made this whole thing flow along so smooth I didn't realize how long it was until I finished reading it. Great use of rhyme here especially the word schmaltz Thank you for the entry and best wishes in the contest
Ruth
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such a lively and lovely poem ... truly enchanting and joyful to read ... I couldn't stop reading and got very engaged in the scenario that you had set up so colorfully through vivid imagery that imposed itself on the screen of my mind ... I laughed a lot about the "wosies and company" ... your humor is outstanding ...
... a wose fow you
maa
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