Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Original Sin

Cold steel stretches
with gray scales of rigid glass--
up, up, up,
in never-ending concrete graphs
  of geometric
        symmetry.

Want has been erased,
and need buried away
in this haven of gentility--
a jungle
  (tamed);
a garden--
    weeded.

The citizens march in pairs,
through daily gates--
inspections, searching
for discontent
  (which breeds only misery),
as they preserve
their paradise.

I recoil, shrinking from the stares
of a million drones imagining
individuality.
If I meet their gaze,
  they will draw me in...
    into their perfection;
    their safety;
      the muffled angles of
    their city.


I flee...

back to the uncertain,
              untamed,
                unknown--
where the moonlight lives, governed only
by uncharted stars
  whirling above.

I scramble up a pine
just to feel wild bark
    on my palms,
pressing spicy needles
    to my face
and inhaling the sharpness.
I rejoice as branches scrape my cheeks.

As the sun blossoms its flame
  on a verdant-velvet horizon of treetops,
there are
  far-off shadows
of flawless metal spires
  in the distance.


I embrace the wild demons,
  and hold close
    my endless sins.

Author notes

This is an edited version of "There Are No Demons," from an early round.

I'd like to apologize in advance that you've read most of my pre-writes, but I wrote a total of four freeverse poems before Teen Idol, and none of them are even passable.

Thanks to Tyler, Heather, and Helen, and congratulations to everyone who made it in this round! Asfand and Sosha--you're amazing; best of luck to you both.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • Tangled Angle
    May 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I thought this was a good revision. Strong poem.