Cold steel stretches
with gray scales of rigid glass--
up, up, up,
in never-ending concrete graphs
of geometric
symmetry.
Want has been erased,
and need buried away
in this haven of gentility--
a jungle
(tamed);
a garden--
weeded.
The citizens march in pairs,
through daily gates--
inspections, searching
for discontent
(which breeds only misery),
as they preserve
their paradise.
I recoil, shrinking from the stares
of a million drones imagining
individuality.
If I meet their gaze,
they will draw me in...
into their perfection;
their safety;
the muffled angles of
their city.
I flee...
back to the uncertain,
untamed,
unknown--
where the moonlight lives, governed only
by uncharted stars
whirling above.
I scramble up a pine
just to feel wild bark
on my palms,
pressing spicy needles
to my face
and inhaling the sharpness.
I rejoice as branches scrape my cheeks.
As the sun blossoms its flame
on a verdant-velvet horizon of treetops,
there are
far-off shadows
of flawless metal spires
in the distance.
I embrace the wild demons,
and hold close
my endless sins.
with gray scales of rigid glass--
up, up, up,
in never-ending concrete graphs
of geometric
symmetry.
Want has been erased,
and need buried away
in this haven of gentility--
a jungle
(tamed);
a garden--
weeded.
The citizens march in pairs,
through daily gates--
inspections, searching
for discontent
(which breeds only misery),
as they preserve
their paradise.
I recoil, shrinking from the stares
of a million drones imagining
individuality.
If I meet their gaze,
they will draw me in...
into their perfection;
their safety;
the muffled angles of
their city.
I flee...
back to the uncertain,
untamed,
unknown--
where the moonlight lives, governed only
by uncharted stars
whirling above.
I scramble up a pine
just to feel wild bark
on my palms,
pressing spicy needles
to my face
and inhaling the sharpness.
I rejoice as branches scrape my cheeks.
As the sun blossoms its flame
on a verdant-velvet horizon of treetops,
there are
far-off shadows
of flawless metal spires
in the distance.
I embrace the wild demons,
and hold close
my endless sins.
Author notes
This is an edited version of "There Are No Demons," from an early round.
I'd like to apologize in advance that you've read most of my pre-writes, but I wrote a total of four freeverse poems before Teen Idol, and none of them are even passable.
Thanks to Tyler, Heather, and Helen, and congratulations to everyone who made it in this round! Asfand and Sosha--you're amazing; best of luck to you both.
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 11 [Top 3 - Finals] Part 1/5 by Tangled Angle.
650 points, ended May 2, 2008, 3 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I thought this was a good revision. Strong poem.

