Wrists tied down, contortions possess,
leather strapping cuts mouth corners.
More flowing blood will soon follow
or so her older sister whispered.
Only eleven births young, writhing;
locked and bound in traitor's grasp.
The Elder looks on, amused
by repetitive lung lurching.
Secret spot where told to scrub
now marked dirty from ashen paint.
The block sharpens stone blade,
rust-colored from weekly surgeries.
Self-respect drops definition
when sacredly splayed, exposed.
A religious raping thrusts inward,
no soothing herb to stop the burn.
Tent constructed to hide red eyes,
scrolls donated to answer questions.
When five days pass, moon will blaze,
river dipping to be permitted.
Sopping mess compliments violent punches
delivered to God's reproduction plan.
Disfigurement insures she'll never be touched.
Sliced up the middle, strung through, sewn up.
Author notes
POM contest
Theme: female circumcision, still abundantly and wrongfully practiced
In a list
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended May 1, 2008, 14 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
RyanosaurusWrecks
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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really good topic, epic poem! grrrreat! like frosted flakes
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the practice of female circumcision is so wrong. it was amazing that you are a male. Your ability to write something from a female's perspective is truly amazing. it was a really good poem. i'm not good with comments so let's put it at that. the picture really grasps the attention and is something you dont see everyday.
Dax
. Rewarded 9
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I just happened to notice that your a male! This write coming from a male has so much more meaning.! Excellent write.
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Alot of the females over there are taught to want this kind of circumcision.Believing them selves to be different and "weird" if an older sibling has this done and they do not. Its wrong on so many levels but most of all on that one. To make a child still a baby almost believe that there is something wrong with them because they have a pleasure spot. The do this so that it is ensured she stays a virgin until her wedding night and the reason they remove the "pleasure button" is so that when she reaches puberty she isn't stressed by "unnatural" feelings of want. So in short to make sure she doesnt get turned on. Its an insane practice that is still taking place all over the world in such place as Egypt, Iraq, Iran and many others but in back alley ways in dirty tents because although its illegal parents are still forcing their children into this. Its even been known to take place here in America. Wonderful painful write. Not many people know about this subject way to promote awareness! Maybe one day it will be stopped.
. Rewarded 12
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Excellent
'tis a very fine write, indeed. You have expressed your ideas quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
. Rewarded 6
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This was an excellent write on such a gruesome practice. I feel the childs pain & the picture while sad depicts the poem. That practice truly sickens me to my stomache. Those poor little girls. No one ever deserves such treatment, especially at 11 years old, but at any age for that matter.
I really like how you did this piece. I liked the flow of it & I think you did justice here.
exoHex
Brea
. Rewarded 12
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i have read alot of writes, but nothing as profound and painful as this one, i read something the other day of this still going on in some cultures, and it shocked me, you wrote this piece well and it certainly deserved the Gold and congrats on it!!
Blessings
Rend
. Rewarded 9
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Well, I got this one ...
before reading your notes. I'd say you deserved the Gold on this one. It's a hell of a write.
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thanks, that really means a lot
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To be honest, I didn't like it. Doesn't take away from the fact it's well written, it just did absolutely nothing for me. I feel it's the very constricted vocabulary used, just seems so tight where there's no place to breathe, and for me, it just doesn't appeal. Doesn't mean it's not good (it got a Gold trophy, so evidently it is) it's just not my style.
-Nam -
Congrats on the gold! You really put a lot of hard work into this poem and it shows... well deserving of the winning trophy. I have to admit, I didn't know what this poem was about until I read the author notes, then I went back and read the poem again and everything you said was so clear. I especially like the last few lines - a very strong close.
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Way to go Ryan!
A very well deserved Gold!
See you around!
Write on!
*PEACE* -
Sorry , I couldn't read it all the way through but I guess it's a theme that should be discussed.
jjj -
Congratulations on the Gold. An outstanding write, and well-deserving of the award.
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thank you sweetie
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Congrats Buddy ~
Bear ~
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thank you very much
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Hi Ryan ~
Well.......where do I begin?
Let's talk Theme.........courageous ~
Power & Impact & Lasting Impression..........I might have nightmares ~
Focus on Theme...........you still had 6 lines to use.....and when you are penning something this deep and profound.....I want you to use every single line available to you.....as you have already gone this far by terrorizing the young Poets....(you might want to lable your entry accordingly).....you might as well go all the way and make them scream....Mommy!!!!!
Flow.....I did not even notice punctuation, as my mind was preoccupied with other things......like Imagery & Vision ~
Julie is correct about L's 1 & 6.....too common for the other ~
I have to agree.....and disagree with Julie.....weird, huh?.....on the Title thingy.....I did not get the chance to view this with the original Title topping this page....but if the words *without* & *sans* are in question as to which is better....I think *sans* gets my vote.......however, Julie is correct when she says, with a Poem like this, you don't need metaphores or creativity to make a statement in your louring Readers.......all you need is guts enough to pen what you have.....and if the Reader is drawn in by *sans*, then you STILL have them hook and sinker after they read the first line ~
.....personally, I would not read it if it tried to call me with *without permission*......as *sans* drove me to your words which are penned so graphically ~
OK....enough about the Title......Another standing ovation .......this one in southern CA where it's 101*.....sweating even in AC after reading this ~
Any Poet following this will have to make me faint to score better than what I think this is going to score :) .....but ya never know.....as some of your Challengers are pretty darned talented as well :)
Good luck to you Ryan.....and thanks for always bringing us worthy poetry for the PO'
contests.......even with the crazy Rules we had this month ~
Kevin will be reading your entry as well......I do not suggest any more editing, as He will no doubt give you some pointers, praise and/or advice as well :)
God bless Buddy,
Bear ~
Title 9.95
Flow 10
Depth 9.8.....would loved to have seen more in those lost 6 lines -
Theme 10
Feelings 9.95
Grammar 9.8....lack of metaphores and simple grammatical choices -
Presentation 9.9
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 99.40
Another great, solid week for you :)
Incredible job....no editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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this was a moment lost for me... meaning when i read it i conjured up an image of a back alley abortion... and when i got to the end i was unsure if i was on the right track ... to see the prompt, threw me... i love this piece... i think you put your words to great use here and everyone counted... great piece... thanks for sharing..
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Absolutely outstanding, brilliant word choice and great ending. I love it and i'll say here and now,
victory must be yours,
I doff my cap,
Floorboards.
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Hi Ryan,
I read this just shortly after you entered it and I confess I’ve been back probably a dozen times since then, even though it stuck with me so well the first time I don’t think I needed to reread it. Honestly, it makes me feel as if 99% of the poems I’ve ever given a 10 to in “lasting impression” should have only been 9.5’s at most. Unfortunately for other poets (and maybe yourself in the future, lol) you’ve now reset my scoring curve in that category.
Wow... This is definitely deserving of a standing ovation.
Of course...having read it that many times, I’ve also noticed the editing you’ve done...
I know there’s a strong drive to make a poem “perfect”, and a certain amount of editing is necessary on almost any write. Just be careful not to lose too much of that initial burst of energy that goes into a poem. I can’t remember exactly how it was worded, but I liked a previous version of your 5th stanza best...and possibly the 4th as well. Just for curiosity’s sake, if you saved the previous version(s) I’d like to see it/them again. I also thought having “mother’s” in S2 was very powerful compared to the current “traitor’s”, if indeed the mother often or even sometimes plays that role. This is where the connotation of a word takes on huge importance. We would expect something horrible from a “traitor”, but a “mother” is supposed to be loving and protective of her children, making the horror of this act all the more real and difficult to comprehend. That is one example of how the degree of power and impact in a write can be changed. (And in this case, with just one word! ) The only other thing I could find that was questionable to me (and then only slightly so) is whether L1 and L6 are too repetitive in that they both describe how she is bound and tied. There again, I think having “mother’s” would shift the focus just enough to render that either unnoticeable or worth mentioning again.
Oh ~ I also liked the earlier title...I think it was “without permission” ? The imagery, depth, and emotion of this is straightforward and vivid. It doesn’t need a flashy or an even remotely obscure title to support it IMO, as sometimes simple is easier to relate to. Somehow...“without” compared to “sans” brought it down to a gut level for me. Which isn’t to say I dislike the current title, only that I liked the other better. Would be interesting to see what Bear’s opinion on that is though.
I’ve said this just a few times before...but when you write something that creates a physical response in a reader, you know you’ve done something really right. Jamie’s comment about it giving her a “sick feeling” is testament to that, and I felt much the same. In 9 months of PO contests, I can count on one hand the number of poems that have affected me as, or nearly as, deeply as this does. Some poems are written to make us feel better. Others are written to change the world. There is amazing power in words. I hope you never forget that, and put this poem to good use.
Thank you for an outstanding entry, and with Bear’s rules not seeming to hinder the write one bit.
Peace and Blessings,
~J.
Remember...NO EDITING once a judge has commented!
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nicely written, good luck in the contest
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To say that I never know what to expect when I read you is a weeeeeee bit of an understatement. Your unique quality and ever growing list of unpredictable writes leaves all waiting for more. You have to know that YOUR the one that everyone always wonders whats coming next from....and THAT is way cool.
This gave me a sick feeling, (oddly... I mean that in a good way) ....Its power is delivered with punch by way of way of perfectly weaved words. Excellent.
Good luck in the contest! (said in a friendly manner only, thinking that you really need it would be absurd)
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Wow, what a theme. You have really brought home how wrong this is. As for the challenge you have stepped up to the plate well. I see no errors (rule wise) at all, awesome. I think you have the gold nailed All the best in the contest with it
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Once again....
You've outdone yourself! Well penned, very unique.
Best wishes in the contest (although you don't need em!)
Write on and on!
*PEACE*
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Wow..this is amazing, as usual! The content, however, is definitely NOT as usual. A very stark and terrifying subject, and you have written it well, "in your face" images that defy us to ignore this situation. Well done.
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wow! I almost didn't try on this contest when I saw your entry - it's so unique and full of vivid images that are powerful. I know this will do exceedingly well!
(I HAD to give those rules a shot, though...LOL)
best wishes in the contest, even though I don't think you'll need them!)
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This is a subject that anguishes me...and one of few things that I would attempt to change somehow, myself not being one to force my policies on others. It's hard to imagine that this does still happen in certain societies. Mutilation by any name...what sort of creed encourages this...your words inspires nightmares! Your gift for bringing a theme to fruition has succeeded here!
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