Scissors cut thin outline
of continents that drift
in the child’s hand.
Land masses fall gently
upon templates of learning,
between gentle breezes of concentration.
Nudging quick curves
around the horn of Africa,
small angled trajectory of Greenland
glides easily next to North America.
Australia cuddles close
to Antarctica’s chill
felt through the white paper.
Patterned positions
of long lost ages,
boundaries not laid
upon the hearts of man
or a child’s mind.
The jigsaw of life forms
into one united Earth,
as the child carefully traces lines
while smiles inner knowledge;
“There are no boundaries left to cross,
to stop me from going where I want to.”
Author notes
POM
It made my day at school to hear this.
Theme: A world without man made borders and boundaries.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
1500 points, ended May 1, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Pure and awesome poetic excellence here in my hiumble opinion. Well done!
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Loved this theme, glad to see it up here near the top. Congratulations on your HM
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Hi Susie :)
Welcome back to the PO' contests.....what a nice way to begin the Judging :)
However, as your other Judge has already mentioned, you did neglect the Rule about no *a*'s in 1st or last line of each stanza....so there will be a deduction for that....but with that said, this is an extremley original Theme.....which we look for....and you have brought it to my attention with style and grace......and vivid imagery to boot ~
The *one world united* line hit home in my faith BIG time.....as I do beklieve in a one world government forming after the Rapture of the church......and you have depicted it so well within your words and vision ~
The last two lines sure summed it up nicely.....as I can deeply imagine a world from lonnnnng ago....no borders...no limits.....no restrictions....nicely penned ~
Each stanza brought new ideas and imagery to my mind as I carved my way through your very clever enttry,
....good luck and let's see how it scores on my board,
God bless Susie,
Bear ~
Title 9.85
Flow 9.9....really nice -
Depth 9.75
Theme 10
Feelings 8.95
Grammar 9.5....a little elementary, but not bad -
Presentation 9.95
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.6
Ability to follow Rules 9.0
Bears Score:96.5
Very nice score!
:)
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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I love the idea behind your poem, and it sounds like you had a wonderful inspiration for it. So many things seem much clearer through a child’s eyes!
I was so hoping you'd see your fellow poet's heads-up on missing one of the rules, but see you haven't been on for a couple of days so wouldn't have read them yet.
(Referring to the rule, "There shall be no letter -a- in your first or last lines, of each stanza".) Great job of keeping the filler words out of your poem though, so it’s only a 1 point deduction...We aren’t trying to be mean, just want to make sure poets are reading all the rules while giving them a bit of a challenge and (hopefully) making it fun.
Okay...that being said, the poem itself is exceptional IMO. Your imagery is lovely, show and tell is balanced nicely, and line breaks seemed natural and fluent. So much of your message comes through in the imagery of that first stanza that I didn’t get a huge “aha!” moment at the end, but that in no way ruined the power or impact I feel from your words. And on my second reading I could see the sort of double meaning of your last two lines, really well done. The only thing I wasn’t sure about was the title...I did a quick search and see that it fits this very well, though I’m not sure how many people would bother to dig further into that if not familiar with the word. Although I prefer when author notes aren’t necessary to “explain” a poem, it might not hurt to include a brief definition of “pangea”.
Thank you for a most enjoyable entry, and good luck.
Peace and Blessings,
~J.
Remember...NO EDITING once a judge has commented!
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Nicely done, you have really gone all out here. Love the theme, and the depth you have gone into produced great imagery. All the best in the contest with it
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good luck in the contest...although some guidelines were missed, i have to say your poem is quite a write..extremely deep,
and hopeful...ive enjoyed this very much
peace
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Great write. Love your end quote. You need to re-check the rules, however..they be sneaky again..*
*
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Interesting. I like your theme, but you need to edit to comply with ALL of the rules or you will lose points on this.
Nicely done!
best wishes in the contest.
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I Love the analogy!
This is great! Not sure it complies with ALL of the rules...but best wishes in the contest! Also don't forget to put your theme in AN.
Write on!
*PEACE*
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What an ideal world this would be one without boundaries where man could walk hand in hand ........ in peace and understanding tolerant of each others differences. I like the innocence of a child like thinking and why i never wish to grow up. You have risen to the challenge of this contest of no filler words. This is a nicely crafted poem and I thank you for the pleasure.
Good luck in the contest.
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