As we lie here
this night,
naked as always,
I think these thoughts,
quite regularly…
I’ve told you so many times,
how good it does feel,
to
hold you in my arms;
feel you melt into me;
make love with you;
sleep beside you;
wake with you in the morning…
Nothing says “I love you”,
any better than that…
So many times,
it even goes without saying…
It feels so very good…
Let us love each other
until nothing else remains…
© Jonathan Wikkins March 12, 2008
Revised April 25, 2008
All Rights Reserved
Author notes
i have changed this one up numerous times, usually just the setup, the content pretty much stays the same, so feel free to come back again and again maybe one day i'll be totally happy with it
A contest entry
- ~ pre-writes ~ by LadyUnique.
300 points, ended May 8, 2008, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost anything goes! by EmeraldDaze.
425 points, ended June 8, 2008, 74 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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the last two lines are perfect, stellar actually
very smooth poem, very romantic 
thank you for entering and best of luck
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I like it all up until the last two stanzas, because, by then (even as short as the poem would be) you have said it all: so I think you should end on "morning...". I know what you mean about going back and changing things later on; it can make things great, or oddly enough, make them worse. I pondered a word in my poem "Green" once, but just couldn't change it, then years later when I was writing the poem down and not paying very close attention, I subconsciously did, and it was better.
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this is one of the few poems i've ever written that i've felt i needed to do such a heavy revise, esp so soon after it's origional writing... thanks for your suggestion, i'll revise it and save it differently in word (that way i have both versions) and look at it again in a few weeks or so, and see what it looks like then...
difficult sometimes... lol
face it, the first piece i ever wrote "You and I", the wording has only been changed once, and then only because of initial gramatical errors... the content is identical to how i origionally wrote it, in roughly 30 min, i might add... lol
thanks for the comment!
mike
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this is very beautiful.... i have one little suggestion though.... the to's at the beginning of the lines makes for a little coldness... i would if it were me write it as
holding you in my arms;
feeling you melt into me;
making love with you;
sleeping beside you;
waking with you in the morning…
purely an observation but gives in my opinion for better flow from one to the other and gives a little more passion to the piece....
However having said this I really do love this piece because i can relate to this so much at the moment... I am so happily in love that these words echoed my feelings ... thank you so much for sharing... hugs and love Linda xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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thanks for your suggestion!
i've revised this piece several times since originally wrote it... that's one of the ways i've considered, and even looked at...
how good it does feel,
to...
hold you in my arms;
feel you melt into me;
make love with you;
sleep beside you;
wake with you in the morning…
what do you think about this?
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it sounds beautiful..... just takes the edge off the coldness of the word to..... like i said it's your piece which as is, is beautiful.... but I am a very passionate person and have a passion to remove the little words that really don't need to be there... nothing can ever show someone how much you love them except the body language you give them... I know my new guy makes me feel they way you have described here... hugs and love Linda xxxxxxxxxx
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i don't know why i've revised this piece so many times since i wrote it... normally i'll write one, reread it, usually make some minor change, and it stays that way... this one... not the case...
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maybe because our feelings are forever changing when we write something maybe the passion we felt at the time was not quite so intense.. now maybe ur feelings the stronger and u feel this lacked the passion u feel... I know i have done that many times written a poem for someone and have had stronger feelings and re written it to add that feeling... 'I know, I know... a hopeless romantic... but thats me and thats my opinion on the reasons for this... lol Linda xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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beautiful words
'until nothing else remains' perfect.
enjoyed the way the whole piece flowed ~ just as it is!
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sweet words of love, simple yet powerful well done
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Great job
I respect that you can fully write about your sexual experience with someone you truly love. So many people in this world rush into a relationship going for one thing.. Not many people save that special thing for that ONE special person. Its given out like candy these days. I am proud to say I truly liked this heartfelt poem. Good Job
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you are so hot with your write here hon you have the heat sparking flames nice write here a pleasure to read
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Very pretty my Cub ~
Loved everything from the Presentation to the Flow.....through to the grammatical chosen words ~
....actually made me jealous....hehe ~
This should have been in a contest,
....God bless Bubba,
Bear ~
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wonderful write... so powerful and very sexy.. Love the line: to sleep beside you to wake with you in the morning.. it is so strong and just wonderful... keep up the good work.. just wonderful .....
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Yes but please send it to the contest site. Thank you.
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I really like this ~ was it for a contest or just for fun? I need to write a few more erotic ones lol
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it was just for "fun" lol... it's been sitting in my puter for a month or so, aned i revised it (again) lol
thanks for reading!
mike, aka jonathan wikkins
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