Sparking ashes of what we had
simmering embers dying.
"What if"..the words so sad
I sit alone...crying.
Regret..what could have been
in bed you are not here,
thinking on why and when
alone is all I fear.
I rise by morning light
and pour myself a drink
the whiskey numbs me wholly
so I no longer think.
Memories of you and I
are treasures to keep
tucked away securely
until from sanctuary seep
When memories are no longer sealed
pain comes on so strong
I need the whiskey to ease my grief
Why is this so wrong?
Darkest rippings of my soul
damaged wings cannot soar
open pit to hell I've sought
there is no open door.
The pained abuse is for us
seeking only to endure,
why impose damnation's curse
while leading lives too pure?
Humanity's stitch cannot be sewn
whiskey's shot cannot mend,
broken lives, shattered hearts
mix together and pulse on blend.
Psychotic mix of suffering
we crave only pain.
Not deserving any peace
whiskey's elixir preserves insane
Deserving goodness is what I fear
whiskey's victim lying dormant
lest I wonder why you're here
finding comfort in forever's torment
Author notes
"as blue as my soul"..my own color...
Thanx Lady Ab for all of your help.....namaste..and special thanx to Brad Beneke...for your suggestions on the last verse..
Option 2...anything goes...hope it fits...
A contest entry
- how far?? by onapedestalIstand.
300 points, ended May 6, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything Goes....Or Does It? by lowercase prelude.
1500 points, ended July 8, 2008, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty please...
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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i like your descriptions/imagery that you've penned in this one. well done
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too cute..thanks anyway though..sarah
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I'd still get rid of the periods in between and go to comma's for flow, but that's just a personal choice I'd make. This does read smoother and I love your last verse now. As for the 'whiskey's elixir..maybe something like:
'Whiskey’s elixir preserves the insane
as suffering stirs psychotic mix,
we only want and crave just pain.
peace, not deserved, just will not fix.'
....or something like that maybe putting the 'whiskey's elixir'' in the lst part of that stanza and then working around that.
If you 'tinker' more, let me know. This is coming along very nicely, I think.
best wishes
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I like what you have done with this.
If you want some honest suggestions, let me know and I will come back here and tell you what I feel needs 'tweaked' a bit.
blessings -
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Lady Ab..your HONEST comments and suggestions are always welcome..thanx so much hun...
blessings..
r
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damaged wings cannot soar...wow...so close to home for me...you do deserve happiness and goodness...
blessings always~ Trisha
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Trisha..
thanx so much for your comments..these are a product of mood swings only..i tend to write on the dark side..gets out the inner demons..love ya sis
blessings galore
namaste
r
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Psychotic mix of suffering
we crave only pain.
Not deserving any peace
Whiskey elixir preserves the insane
you do deserve goodness and happiness in your life...s to you sissy inlaw
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my dearest brother-in-law
thanx for your kind comments..like i said to your beautiful trish..just a sweeping out of "inner demons"..all is well..
hugs a bunch..
blessings
namaste..
r
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What you have so far is full of depth and emotion, so well done! Let me know when you finish 'tinkering' with this, so I can re-read it!
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thanx so much Lady Ab..your comments are always appreciated..take care..blessings..namaste..
r
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