No One

No one around me knows how much I hurt inside. How hard it is to be strong in front of those that need you most even though in reality I want to fall apart. No one around me truly understands me. They think I am string and not weak. They feed off of me to make them happy, and mad when i'm upset. I try to keep them happy. I want people to like me for who I am on the inside. Not who I pretend to be on the outside.
But i’m scared.
I’m scared that as soon as they truly know me they won’t like me any more. I’m scared that as soon as they see my scars that I would be easy to get in to bed. I don’t want people to pretend to be sorry for what happened; because it’s in the past, and what’s in the past needs to stay in the past.
Yet i’m tired of dealing with the pain. I’ve tried to let go, but once I almost succeeded and I saw him again. Four years had gone by with no sentence. But that’s because nobody knew. They didn’t see my pain. They didn’t hear me cry every night when I tried to sleep.
They didn’t hear me wake from fright living the night mare over again every night.
And when I finally cried out for help they were blind to it.
They don’t believe me, and when they finally saw it was too late. The pain had already eaten all of me alive.
There was and is nothing left of me. I am just a hollow shell ready to break. I cant handle the pressure, i’m tired of being somethi8ng i’m not. So i’m going to pack my bags and try to move on. I’m going to dry my tears and get on with my life. I’m not writing this for sympathy cause I want none. I just want my friends to better understand me and how I feel. I don’t want to constantly be judged for what I look like and act like on the outside. And I will help any one who has some kind of pain they just want to get out. I’m writing to tell those other people around me too scared to step up and say something, I just want you to know that someone will listen and help you through. You just need to go to that one person you trust the most, that one person you know will care, or will listen and help through the pain you have to deal with. Because no one should suffer like this. No one should deal with the same kind of pain you’re going through.
No one.