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Sorry Mommy Goodbye

So this is the result of when I dont listen to you.
Only now its to late I'm gonna miss you.
Realtiy is leaving me I want to cry.
Really mommy I don't want to die.
Your voice is loud in my head. "Don't do drugs you'll end up dead."

Maybe I'm dreaming and wake up in bed.
Only the darkness is covering my eyes and I'm starting to feel dead.
My eyesight is fading I'm scard I can't see the Light anymore.
Mommy I'm sorry please don't let me die.
You were looking forward to my surpise birthday party in July.

God please let me stay to see another day.
Olly wanted to ask me something today.
Only now I'll never know if he was gonna propose.
Dear god please let me stay awhile.
But its getting darker and I can hear mommy and Olly crying.
Yes I know this is the end of my life and I'm Dying.
Even now I relized I only tried them one time and it looks like I'm gonna die. The only thing left for me to say is I'm Sorry Mommy Goodbye.

Author notes

ForeverLastingComa

A contest entry

i didnt have much time to write it hope its good =)

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • thedarkestjolly
    May 6, 2008
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    ***

    It was deep interesting in other words a little above average good luck!


  • Legend silver member
    May 1, 2008
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    A fine poem it is only though carefully reading that one realizes that this is an Acrostic.Excellent, sad but a joy to read

    I do if i have to say something negative I think the choice of font colour does not show it off to its best,
    as i had to highlight to read clearly but it was worth it


  • crazymomma
    April 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have tears in my eyes this is so sad. Good luck in the contest.

  • celadia
    April 26, 2008

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    You have a couple of spelling mistakes, in the second line it should be 'too' instead of 'to' and second to last line 'realized' not 'relized' but really, I think this is a fantastic poem, it has a lot of drama. I felt myself getting involved in the 'story' and wishing for another end. I think that you have a lot of talent to be able to engage the reader so. Good luck in contest.


  • nobodys-girl
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    aww this is so sad. but i just loved it. thankyou so much for entering my contest and best of luck!


  • TabbyCat
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Oooh. Tragic.


  • ForeverLastingComa
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    My eyesight is fading I'm scard I can't see the Light anymore.
    *scared

    You were looking forward to my surpise birthday party in July
    *Surprise

    Even now I relized I only tried them one time and it looks like I'm gonna
    *realized

    overall i liked this poem, you may want to consider spell check ^.^

    It's never to late for anything don't give up on yourself, people do drugs and give up on it all the time. (i.e. me)

    Thanks for entering and Good Luck =)


  • ForeverLastingComa
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    read rules in the contest and then you may re enter if you choose to, thanks


  • Semper-Fi Juggalette
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww its so sad
    but i like
    it nice!


  • hollowriver
    April 25, 2008
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    this is sad...
    tear
    its flows nicely


  • Ace13
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Yes this is really good, i just am not to passionate towards your repetative depressing theme. But I think you did a real good job on trying to imagine and emphasize what it's like to know you are leaving this world unsure of what lies ahead if anything


  • Decorus Somnium
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh my God...this is probably one of the saddest poems I've read in a while. Hope it's not personal though...it's good and very deep.

1 - 12 of 12