I vow not to speak on this day.
Clouds have darken the path.
Of Lawrence King.
Killed for what he was.
When no one liked it.
Everyday is a constant battle.
For GLBT teens everywhere.
We remain silence on this day.
To show we haven't forgotten.
Author notes
Since it is the Day Of Silence I thought I would do a poem in remembrance of Lawrence King and those others who have died to such violent acts because of their sexual preference and expression.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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i agree!!! im a proud bisexual and i know what we go through and i can tell you know that its hard work but you cant help who you love
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awww :[ I am lesbian myself so this write greatly appeals to me. thanks for writing this and showing your support I enjoyed this piece very much!
andi
(redhanded)
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The sentiments are well expressed and germane, holding up to all of us the idiocy of some of mankind. On the poetic aspects: you have placed a fullstop (period) at every line end - this does not make poetic sense and the whole needs a re-edit for that alone in order to clarify and improve. "Clouds have darken the path." - this should probably be "Clouds have darkened the path." or "Clouds darken the path." "Everyday is a constant battle" does not make sense - you mean to say "Every day is a constant battle", left as it is it means "Commonplace is a constant battle." And, the penultimate line should read "silent" not "silence". It might be stronger to remove the contraction "haven't" and replace it with "have not".
These suggestions are not made as criticism but in support of your work. Thanks for sharing.
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Thanks so much for the comment. I will keep it in mind. I appreciate it. Things like this teachs me to be a better writer. Thank you!
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I did the Day of Silence at my school! I may not be GLBT, but I'm very supportive of love in any and all ways.
I think a few of the lines in this poem could end with a comma instead of a period, like this:
I vow not to speak on this day.
Clouds have darken the path
Of Lawrence King,
Killed for what he was
When no one liked it.
Everyday is a constant battle
For GLBT teens everywhere.
We remain silent on this day
To show we haven't forgotten.
Great poem! Keep being as strong and proud as you are! -
I think it was a wonderful poem in memory of a small, but wonderful child. It's sad to think that such things and thoughts could be forced into a child's mind at such a young age. I hope one day nobody will have to hide who and what they are and we can walk hand in hand down the street without fear.
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I think it was a wonderful poem in memory of a small, but wonderful child. It's sad to think that such things and thoughts could be forced into a child's mind at such a young age. I hope one day nobody will have to hide who and what they are and we can walk hand in hand down the street without fear.
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lovely poem.
it makes me really
sad though.
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Sweet :)
Really lovely poem.....
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