Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
 

Friday calls her salient

 

 

 

and ghosts of womankind

brought forth chasms of lost pain,

aloud; outbursts rush to control

random shadows that fly

 

with wanton hands that unfold night.

origami birds touch star-clouds

-  mouths rising

and falling, into palms.

 

How this pillow colours caution,

concurs a spark of clarity

almost, to pray on his skin,

 

whilst spun on the axis of woman.

 

 

 

 

 

In a list

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 37 of 37
  • chiefmac
    May 17

    Edit | Reply
    This requires more than one reading to grasp the changing insight. Womankind lost pain to fly in shadows is great stanza and moves the reader. Lovely ending with men spun on the axis of woman.
    This compliments the nature of the poem.


  • loneArt
    May 5

    Edit | Reply
    very provocative. I don't usually read a poem more than once but this one I read a few times. Very well written, thank you for sharing.
    Peace be yours,
    Art


  • silverfish
    May 1

    Edit | Reply
    what is this astral plane, this spinning galaxy of woman between the star clouds above and the temporal world of skin below, the space between 'mouths rising and falling into palms'? this pixie dust of a poem makes feel like i'm flying in a dream, or floating through a reverie between waking and sleeping. i'm also left with a sense of awe, like looking at a jetting (salient) quasar in outer space, powerful, beautiful, and curiously soundless.

    my only criticism is that you island people keep spelling color with a vestigial 'u'. it just tain't american.

    -silversurferfish


  • PoeticAlien gold member
    April 28
    Edit | Reply
    this is beautiful.


  • hiraeth
    April 27
    Edit | Reply
    I only hope to write as well as you someday.


  • misselaineous gold member
    April 27

    Edit | Reply
    centre of my world indeed
    that's where your poetry sits on it's axis gently spinning and making me sigh


  • Wandika gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply

    Breath Taking

    picture and the words fit so well.
    You write better when relaxed, Fridays Saturdays and Sundays.

    Jim


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 26
      Edit | Reply
      Oh dear, I start Night shifts again Monday

      but thank you so much Jim... glad you enjoyed, and yes, things are somewhat more relaxed again.....

  • poet2angels silver member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    Brilliant poetry!...

    "with wanton hands that unfold night.
    origami birds touch star-clouds
    - mouths rising
    and falling, into palms."


    sigh~

    Lynda




  • Cannonsfire silver member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    I do so wish sometimes I could find the contemplation that you seem to write of so easily. An inspired piece of writing here Gil, very fine indeed. Love, C


  • Night Hope gold member
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    "with wanton hands that unfold night.
    origami birds touch star-clouds
    - mouths rising
    and falling, into palms."

    And this poem is yet another example of why you've always been one of my favorite favorites, Gill. Thank you for entering such a beautifully contemplative piece, my Friend. Good luck, Sweetie. Wanda

  • Yvette Champ
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Dearest Poetess, I particularly liked the phraseology of " how this pillow colours caution" it's a clever and creative, love the way it in effect uses colour without stipulating a specific colour.
    Also very much liked that that the photo inspiration was posted at the end of the poem as opposed to before, this allows the poetry to speak and the picture to act as a summary, neat and the first time I have seen this presentation, another neat addition to your Book of Days. Kudos.

  • grm
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    i don't know why exactly, but this piece reminds me very much of the book 'Nine Princes in Amber', and how they had to walk a road of shadows to get to Amber the city.
    men, women...i suppose we're all the same really, in our heart of hearts


  • NoIQ gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Well, at least I know this bed poem wasn't inspired by me. If it were, it would read:

    and hosts of womankind
    brought forth gasps of Monte gain,
    aloud; outbursts out of control
    random orgasms that fly

    with handcuffs that unfold night.
    orgasm floods touch star-gals
    - mouths rising
    and falling, into Paris.

    How this pillow colours video,
    coincident with a spark of clarity
    almost, to pray on his skin,

    and pray for more, and more, and a whole lot more
    whilst spun on the axis of woman.

    See, I think my slight edits turn this outstanding poem about Fridays and beds into a masterpiece that would bring tears to Shakespeare and T.S. Eliot alike...


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 26

      Edit | Reply
      hahahhaahahhaahha

      snorts

      now that's a great poem... and what a dream too monte

    • Night Hope gold member
      April 25
      Edit | Reply
      You so funny, Monte.

      • NoIQ gold member
        April 25
        Edit | Reply
        Funny?! Those edits required refinement and an understanding what the Nobel Prize winners of our time would expect as new substance! I happen to think my re-write should be Kevin's triumph. At last, AP has produced a masterpiece to span the ages. And it was so obvious how to do it. How could we have never seen it before?

        • Night Hope gold member
          April 25
          Edit | Reply
          I beg your pardon, Suh. Actually, you're friggin' hilarious.

          • NoIQ gold member
            April 25
            Edit | Reply
            "Hilarious"?!! No no no. We need to be clear here. The proper response is:

            "Monte, there is nothing that would more certainly bring peace to this planet than if you permit the mass copying of your image in the nude for world-wide distribution. That would be bliss to all of humanity, and I cannot for the life of me see why there is as yet no United Nations Security Resolution demanding 'Monte Nudity -- Peace on Earth.'"

            Thank you for thinking that, and actually intending to write it as a comment but oddly being distracted for reasons unfathomable to all the rest of humanity. No apologies necessary. Just don't make the same mistake twice...


            • Night Hope gold member
              April 25

              Edit | Reply
              I happen to know of a few people that would, indeed, vote for that resolution. Go fer it. *ahem* {gets on her soapbox or perch, whichever you prefer}

              "Monte, there is nothing that would more certainly bring peace to this planet than if you permit the mass copying of your image in the nude for world-wide distribution. That would be bliss to all of humanity, and I cannot for the life of me see why there is as yet no United Nations Security Resolution demanding 'Monte Nudity -- Peace on Earth.'"


  • AJ Morelli gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    TGIF...

    "How this pillow colours caution,
    concurs a spark of clarity
    almost, to pray on his skin..."


    wow




  • EvilKate gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful silence! - you make it sing loudly like no other.

    *gasp* ... and here I am, reconsidering (having read this and other entries) my own contribution not yet done


  • Nicolette gold member
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    So very often in the silence of pillows that we find ourselves, find clarity and see how our thoughts rise, grow wingw and fly.

    Beautiful poetry weaved with strings pulled from deep within, Gilly. I agree with Suzie...you carry the beautiful to us all.

    ~ Nicolette


  • Peteskid gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    a wonderful sense in this poem of a woman's thoughts, her unique point of view..so very well done here...PK


  • Rowan gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    Aren't we all richer for knowing and embracing ourselves and our ghosts? Such a beautiful, haunting, write, it flows beautifully hon.
    Loved this.


  • Suzanne Dia gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    2nd stanza is amazing... well, the whole thing is really, but I love that second stanza.

    You teach me why being a woman is a beautiful thing.

    I love you, lady.




  • dehydrated
    April 25
    Edit | Reply
    i loved where this took me.


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 25
      Edit | Reply
      where was that sweetie??


      • dehydrated
        April 25
        Edit | Reply
        and the last stanza just gives a more distinct image of where or what i was yapping about...
        oooooooooooooooooooooooo gilly we [i mean the Reds] have a match with the Blues... it will be fun!!!

        • NurseChilly gold member
          April 25
          Edit | Reply
          yeah yeah.... and you better pull your socks up next week... Nu Camp is a killer stadium...

          • dehydrated
            April 25
            Edit | Reply
            weeeeeeeeeeelll we don't need to pull anything we are the champions... we are the champions... la la la la la... we'll see

      • dehydrated
        April 25

        Edit | Reply
        hard to explain in my words, innet? i mean i explored through one voice to a woman to see the whole women kind...

  • Thoughts-of-Soloman gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    I think its great!! It suffers none from no e's, in fact the feel is 'rounded' and adds greatly to the whole piece. Sol


    • NurseChilly gold member
      April 25
      Edit | Reply
      thanks G....

      I was a bit unsure but I went for it and posted it ...



      Gilly.x
1 - 37 of 37