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the covering

 

 

The dream came during the day. 

A glass sphere, following, then surrounding him-

cast a shield that barred all but the moment.

He walked in protection,  the absence of thought

and found a promise he lost years past.

This covering transformed to the clearest of air- 

flowing out as a nova,

beyond neighborhoods and cities,

across the miles of separation where lived his children

touching, then passing them,

without their notice. 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • dhamma
    September 22, 2008

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    This is an incredibly interesting poem. I almost feel like the first five lines are its own poem and the next six are another, I think because the tone in the first line is one of sadness or loss but the second half almost a celebration of freedom, I think. The image of "flowing out as a nova" gave me goosebumps, but I almost think you could lose the "This covering" in the line before...

    Beautiful, thank you

    . Rewarded 8


  • nothingwithoutyou
    September 22, 2008

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    wow, i loved the second line of this poem, the glass sphere, such beautiful imagery and you are clearly a talented writer, well done. mail me any links you want me to comment.

  • cherche -d -ame
    May 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love the way you were able to put this almost "sureal" experience into words. Bless those "dustbunnies"
    hugzzzzzzzzz
    reenie

  • mythological-mouse
    May 6, 2008

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    a very soft piece, almost felt as if someone died, and then spread out to freely watch over all... lovely piece

    . Rewarded 4


  • cherylline
    May 2, 2008

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    So I've found the perfect last poem for the day, before I log off. Beautiful.
    There's a sort of almost bittersweet nostalgia to the tone that I find fascinating here...probably because of the tension you set up right from the very opening of the poem - day, and dream, awake, and absent, "covering", and "clearest". It's exquisite, both this tension and your writing.
    Just a note though. You've got a *little* bit of repetition, and I'm not entirely sure that was your intention: "dream" is used twice, and "past" and "passing" are a bit similar in meaning, perhaps. Otherwise, I loved the eerie half-rhyme/echo between "following" and "flowing"... very fitting, to the overall mood. I always liked reading that subtlety in your poems.
    Again, beautiful work!


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    intresteng this whole feeling of being able to go back and watch without being notticed the metaphor in this is class and the desriptive word usage is great would have prefered to see it a little longer but i think all was said, and the last 2 lines a great just like the opening line really good, poetry at its best and deepest


    John

    . Rewarded 6


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    lovely, lovely

    perhaps if you added the word..."casting" or "cast" a shield that
    barred all but the moment...maybe the active word
    casting...would help those who didn't quite get it.
    I did.....and loved it too...the flow was real and
    very gentle as if we too were travelling with him.
    well done!
    ears/Seattle lovely poem!

    . Rewarded 6


  • wendy
    April 29, 2008

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    It's as if he goes back in time to see his past without notice from others. He is protected by the very being that takes him there.

    . Rewarded 4

  • JWGoethe
    April 28, 2008

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    I'm not sure what it means, but I like it very much. "found a promise he lost years past" was my favorite line. Bravo.

    . Rewarded 4


  • MelodiousDreaming
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ^_^ Oh this is very good, and well written. Simply put, beautiful.


  • cherche -d -ame
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    introspection?and then acceptance without regrets found in that moment of self reflection, a moment that turned inner turmoil into a certain serenity<-----maybe absent for too long. Speaks volumes in few words. Sometimes it is those few words that say the most to the reader. One of your best ones yet[imho of course, whatever value that has eh? Really LOVED it <-------no flattering , just truth...
    fondly,
    Iraine


  • kitty23
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love this poem


    amazing

    powerful

    and wonderful

    great wording

    thank you for sharin this

    keep up the good work



    KITTY
  • fairyzion
    April 25, 2008
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    Dreamlike.

    I love the idea of having protection from hurt and living in a perfect moment. Beautiful.
  • Just2criminal4words
    April 25, 2008

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    Nicely done...

    I love the end of this one - touching, then passing them without their notice. Very soft. Felt a sense of regret near the middle, like losing your dreams to age. Beautiful.

    . Rewarded 4


  • tamperedlove
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    this is amazing


  • tamperedlove
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    WOW
1 - 20 of 20