I dreamt of you the other night
a strange dream I’ll admit,
for there you were, my dearest love,
gray beneath the eyes.
And you looked past me
as if we’d never met before.
I felt an urgency chase through my bones
and I knew I had to hold you,
but, every step I took
seemed to push you farther away.
When I woke I found myself in fright
as if I couldn’t breathe or speak.
But there, beside me on the bed,
I felt the warmth of your breath
pressing against my neck.
And I knew in that moment
nothing in this world
could ever make me stop loving you.
And despite the weary ways of life
and the challenges it invokes,
I will always be there too,
with breath against your neck
and heart beating
there for yours.
Author notes
Comments and critique much appreciated
A contest entry
- Make her smile... by Wolf Mistress.
900 points, ended May 4, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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it is those simple things....
i miss his breath upon my neck...
woke up the other night in a panic wondering where he was- then I remembered and turned on the TV until I went unconscious again.
I am a real simplistic person when I write and you mention critiques welcome.
Obviously this has substance, emotion and heart
for me though there were too many and's, the's, little words that with some play could be taken out.
I already say them as a reader...
I hope you dont mind if i workshoped a little?
I don't want to ever offend you!
Strange dreams
Of you dearest love
Gray beneath eyes
Looking past as if
We’d never met
~Urgency chased through bones~
Every step closer
Pushed you away
Awake in fright
No breath or words
I felt warmth
Against my neck
Nothing could make me
Stop loving you
Despite weary ways
Challenges invoked
I will always stay here
Against necks
With hearts beating
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I'm not offended at all, it's wonderful to get a nice detailed critique or piece of advice. I quite like what you've done with it actually
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You are Gooood,
three random picks and they all won a trophy,
I need not say anymore
oh, except keep up the good work
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Haha, gosh, keep that up and you'll be my new favorite person in no time at all
Soo very glad you enjoyed reading some of my stuff. Oh and thanks for the favorites add ^_^
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a good poem ah dreams and fears, and love's smile. i guess we tend to at times have insecurities come through in our dreams, good though that they are unfounded when we awake and love's breath is still tickling us.
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Awwwwww
This is so tender. I hope this was real for you.
BB<><> -
Really, Really good!,I like the mood it sets and the longing love it describes.
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Thank you! ^_^
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Gently Loving
Wonderful sentiments nicely penned. You've a beautiful softness to your words that convey the emotions in a terrific mannner. Good luck to you!
Ken
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Thank you, I'm not really much for writing...especially about love(seeing as I've never fallen into it before ) but I think I liked how this turned out ^_^
Much thanks for the comment and applause!
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Sweet
So sweet and touching loved the lines
"And despite the weary ways of life
and the challenges it invokes"
Beautiful piece and thank you for your comment on my piece.
xoxo -
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Thanks so much, I'm pleased you enjoyed it ^_^
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