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Big Guns & Cellular Phones

Pillow soft,
a kiss -

Pull the trigger,
(end this,
          and this
                    ...temper)

I can always pretend
I forgot...




But that would be stupid,
we both know I didn't.



Author notes

experimenting...

if it sounds suicidal, it's not supposed to. i just read it and thought it sounded a bit...

it really is actually about forgiveness...

the "end this" part after pulling the trigger is actually about ending a relationship, not ending life..


and the part about pulling the trigger is actually metaphorical... and the title being about guns and cellular phones is about hunting guns...

the whole piece is actually about someone having a little temper problem and throwing cellular phones and breaking them... ah... it's actually quite personal and complex. i was experimenting... just wanted to add the non-suicidal disclaimer cuz after reading it i realized it sounded like one might mistake this with suicidal angst.

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Dean
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    I like the contrast between the first and second stanza, it's sharp and sets the tone. I love how you address a very specific audience
  • Dienush Greeters member
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    No, I hadn't thought of it being suicidal.... Homicidal, maybe But I can see how personal this is to you. I like how it's a bit vague... it made me think how one never forgets the really hurtful things... ever... But they still love the person who has caused that hurt. That, I think, is real love and real forgiveness. If one can really forget then it wasn't all that hurtful to begin with. This is so touching. Thank you for entering my contest.

    ~Diana

  • tomisb gold member
    April 26

    Edit | Reply
    I can hear the frustration, the feeling that nothing reaches the voice on the other end. The last thing still touching, a memory of what might have been.
    Love, Tom B.


    • BlackWidow43 silver member
      April 26
      Edit | Reply
      hmm... you are right on the frustration part... not sure about the what might have been part. think you may think this is about the usual person but he no longer exists

  • NoIQ gold member
    April 25

    Edit | Reply
    It's somewhat ironic -- I think your author notes are excellent, but wholly unnecessary. I was able to make the connections related without their assistance, and I don't believe you should feel any insecurity in the experimental nature of the poem that drives you to let people know the precise working of the piece.

    Indeed, I thought -- and perhaps still do -- that the line "pull the trigger" was actually intended as a pun on the poet experiencing a sexual event with the lover who inspired the work, while thinking of the critical need to end the situation despite her needs and despite the frustration that ultimately finds its release in "temper." When you read the first stanza, that interpretation elegantly ties to the second and, ultimately, the final one. I fully confess that interpretation may be what is to be expected from a "male perspective" like my own. However, it is such ironic and metaphorical device that gives the work its strength -- a strength that I for one don't feel you need to defend.

    Anyway, I see your excellent comments on the works of others from time to time. I can't for the life of me understand why it took me so long to check out your talent given the intelligence shown in your statements that I have seen.


  • cherry-x-blossom
    April 24
    Edit | Reply
    thats hardcore *gaspy face* it gets to get
1 - 8 of 8