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Wall Of Mystery

In times of deceit,
when all that was seen
dwindles
before your eyes.
When the last layer
of the magnificently built
wallpaper
peels back, leaving
the unbearable truth
of what lies beneath
uncovered...
What will you do?

A contest entry

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Comments


  • tears.of.silence
    April 8

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    very well done.I liked this poem a lot. It's very thought provoking and has a lot of challenging words in it . This poem gives you 30 points. Great work you've 63 points all together. Thanks for entering and best of luck toyou. Kahy


  • Room without doors gold member
    November 6, 2008

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    Outstanding

    I liked how you challenged the reader in this poem with the question at the end. It made me read the whole poem again and got me thinking. I liked the simplicity of this poem and didn't feel it needed any changes. The imagery is strong:
    When the last layer
    Of the magnificently built
    Wallpaper
    Peels back,
    and I liked the emotion- almost a sense of Judgement day looming in front of you. A fantastic poem.


  • lindaburns gold member
    November 4, 2008

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    Hi. I am with Critical Reviewers Two. As you have requested, I am here to suggest how you might improve your poem. It’s very good like it is. Rather than go into detail about tweaks, I just re-wrote it. As you can see, it is almost identical to your original. What I did mostly, is to take out a period where it wasn’t needed, moved “leaving” to the line below it and only left capitol letters at the beginning of sentences. My opinions are MY opinions and you are not bound in any way by any of my opinions or any of my suggestions. Good luck with your writing.
    In times of deceit
    when all that was seen
    dwindles
    before your eyes;
    when the last layer
    of magnificently built
    wallpaper
    peels back,
    leaving the unbearable truth
    of what lies beneath
    uncovered…
    What will you do?


  • YOtta
    November 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    From title to the question you ended your poem with, you mesmerized me.

    Your imagery is very powerful, it shook me!
    Your flow is almost life threatning and impeccable.
    The whole theme is very intelligent, creatively displayed out and will constructed into your poem.

    I’m left with a question that once, almost took my life away.
    Deceit is a very harsh, immoral act.

    Hope no one ever has to go through such agony.

    Thank you for sharing =)