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Bitter

I reached out to you;
my heat escaping
through perforated pores
left exposed on
my ungloved hands.

I made every effort
to keep you warm,
though my skin was
scalding from your
bitter breath.

What resulted was
a numbing sensation
when I realized
your love had long
since frozen over.

Author notes

Cold burn (frostbite)

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Justin
    May 26, 2008

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    Wow... the flow in this piece is impeccable. Great job! I love the message behind the symbol you used. Awesome. :-D


  • lechap
    May 1, 2008

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    Nice play on the dichotomy between ice and fire. I liked the repetition of bitter breath. Good rhythm too, have some clappies


  • second-born
    April 25, 2008

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    this is such a very awesome piece...detailed and lively images of 'bold burn'...thank you for sharing this poem...


  • going nowhere
    April 24, 2008

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    excellent with this prompt... or without it, but it makes your poem even more genious...
    i was thinking of the bitter taste, but this was unexpected.. the bitter cold, causing even the most heated passion to numb and freeze over. i hope this does well for you... it deserves to.

  • aaaaaaaa
    April 24, 2008
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    This is excellent, I really enjoyed it.


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    April 24, 2008

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    Wicked! I got the image of dry ice... which is something you should possibly explore as a metaphor for love gone awry (and I should too!).
    I loved this, though. It was unexpected and felt... well... numbing. The tone actually sounded as though it was coming from someone stunned, left in the cold for too long, hungering for warmth and comfort. I could picture this girl, standing in the cold, her breath freezing as she speaks, but the despair in her eyes...
    it's a stunning image.
    Your poetry always creates a vivid and powerful image in my mind.
    That's what makes you amazing!


  • Princess-of-Chance
    April 24, 2008

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    Wow! I know that feeling when you don't really love someone anymore but you're still dating It totaly blows! But You expressed it so well! way to go!


    • Metaphorist
      April 24, 2008
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      Thanks for your comment.

      That's an interesting interpretation but I actually wasn't dating the person anymore. I was trying to stay friends with them when they didn't want anything to do with me.


  • James R
    April 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was a well written write y friend the end stanza was a perfect end to a great poem.

1 - 9 of 9