~ I
I take no prisoners
I wear all the faces of my shadows
And their clothes
To blend in
To the corners they stand in
Huddled, humbled old souls
The bones of dead muses
Buried in the basement
Like ghosts clanking poems
And if you listen close enough
To the undertones
They will enter you
Like the manic light of moon
Slices up the room
Into brilliant hiding places
~ II
Late at night
When the trains come through
When I think of you
Passing through me
My green
Green eyes
Upon your navel
Your poetry
I wonder if you know
I’m still listening
To the rumbling of the tracks
You left on me
And their vibration
And I’m still writing poems
Of explanation
Hope drops in the rain
Waiting for the train
To stop moving
~ III
In the dark, in the white
Of a black angels eyes
Two moons shine
And I am drawn into
A liquid light
Calmed by this night
This calling
I crawl under wing
Without questioning
Where we’re going
If we’re floating or falling
A slow weightless lift
Through a transient mist
Into morning
Author notes
Sometimes i can't sleep... 
8/21 - this piece was just accepted by Kota Press to appear in the September 2004 Loss Journal
Written December 15th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- REAL Poetry by ArieLLeGiSeLLe.
416 points, ended July 24, 2005, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 53 of 53
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tri-umphant!
three wonderful trails that lead up to a sleepless night of solitude and verse~ some wounds are best left unattended~
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This one undid me
and I have to soon sleep
section 2 dances around the questions of my heart
and my eyes turned from brown to green last year
It is astonishingly good- -
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thank you... my eyes have always been very green... they just get greener...lol
yes, get some "sleep" :-)
don't worry, the rumbling of the tracks becomes less noticeable with time and distance.
~ sweet dreams ~
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Perfect~
I know I've read this a few times now, LOL..But now we have jumpy jack men to show how much a poem is enjoyed, so, three clappy men for you. Such a descriptive piece, and idk, it just moves me. Thanks for sharing you sweet soul, peace, Timothy~
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Honorable Mention.
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Ah, POETRY! this was a brilliant piece. I was pleased to see the imagery and eloquence and other such poetic devices. I was especially happy to see that although this was free verse, you used rhyme and approximate rhyme throughout; a style that I favor. I liked how this was separated into little subpoems. This is a fun way to format it. I just like it for some reason. Excellent piece.
Arielle Giselle -
Sometimes
You find
It's the railroad ties that bind
Keeping parallel lines
From ever touching
So like carefree hoboes
We hop on-board
And ride the rails for free
Not really knowing
Where the train is going
Because we never bought a ticket
We always end up
At the end of the line
And never learning
We get what we pay for
Lot's of darkness in this poem. At least you are a willing companion in this journey, following another dying muse to the grave. What cloak will you be wearing next time I see you. I hope it's a warm one... -
Amazing.
Beatiful, passionate, and highly descriptive. Great job. I especially liked the first section. -
amazing
AMG... pure beauty, sheer eloquence
underlying passion, reserved and untouchable...
very, very good, i would aplaud but i've got none left -
two big thumbs up
to me, this is 3 seperate thoughts, melded into one lovely poem. bravo my friend -
quite nice!
Very vivid and calm yet mysterious, as the night tends to be. Quite a good handle on your rhythm. Of all, I liked this part the most:
In the dark, in the white
Of a black angels eyes
Two moons shine
And I am drawn into
A liquid light
Calmed by this night
This calling
Truly the most poetic part although much simpler than your first stanza. -
excellent!
Wonderfully done! The feel of the train and the thoughts of the muses flowing through this piece came so very easily and calmly!
A smooth write of experiencing the the loneliness of the night.
Excellent writing! -
I totally salude this well written piece..the way you wrote it is the way how poem simply gives you freedom in saying what come's to your being and the way how a great poetess can be is the way he/she do it with confidence..i tell you..your work is really great..even what others will say..it's an opinion..but for me..i'm telling this saying not an opinion of blah..blah.. but words that i appreciate the whole thing you created.awesome!!
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My computer froze, so I hope I didn't cost you any extra points as I tried to get here.
I really feel this poem. It speaks to me so deeply. The sense of a dull echoe that you can't make out, the longing, and lonliness. I feel it, and it puts a lump in my throat. Wonderful write. -
Left the planet on this one Wendy
OMG yes get them damn muse one at a time amd make 'em suffer !! LOL ~ love your work here..
> "The bones of dead muses
Buried in the basement
Like ghosts clanking poems
And if you listen close enough
To the undertones
They will enter you
Like the manic light of moon
Slices up the room
Into brilliant hiding places
Hell the whole three part piece is a benevolences to the depth of ones soul..I do love the end >
I crawl under wing
Without questioning
Where we’re going
If we’re floating or falling
A slow weightless lift
Through a transient mist
Into morning
Wow !! fly on frozen wings Wendy and soar up there where eagles fear the ozone hole ..APPLAUSE !!! So pure !! ~Skinwalker -
Inspiring
Wow. I really like your work... like going through spiritual events that unfold one after the other from dusk to dawn. -
Its not erotic but there is an undercurrent of something...a gentle bubbling...
Each poem is its own little voice, its own little perspective, either taking light from or giving light to darkness...and brilliance.
"Green eyes
Upon your naval
Your poetry
I wonder if you know"
It will take me a few more reads to see more open doors, but this is a wonderful piece of poetry. Kind that makes you want to understand...
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: - )
this feels like the phases of the same feeling. the high the low the mid. its certainly a lovely night for flight -
for me there was a sense of departure, soul seperation, perhaps seperation in the physical manifesting itself in the spirit. a longing and yet a resolve, or more appropriately, an acceptance. beautiful.
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Wendy ... your poetry never ceases to amaze, I don't have to tell you or anyone this ... however ... ultimately all poetry is personal and personally I write to exorcise my feelings at a given time irrespective of what comments it would recieve ... keep on writing as you 'feel' and express in 'your' way. You are what you write good - bad or indifferent - .... in your case its always good .... Great piece - enjoyed very much .... Andy
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Well, I AM late. Let me just add to the praise. Powerful imagery. And I love the way it falls in and out of rhyme, drifting appropriately.
Roar, roar.
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Rudy, i love it when you take the time to tell me what happens to you during a poem... i find that so intriguing, and for me, it helps me to see if the poem is doing what i want it to do. I kinda like what happened to you in the first stanza
Thanks so much for your feedback and the time you spend giving of yourself. Much appreciated
~ Wendy -
I look at this title & I wonder whether I am going to read an erotic poem or a poem wherein night is personified.
The second line is crucial for me... I read it twice. First I read it with the third & fourth lines: I wear all the faces of my shadows/And their clothes/To blend in...
I see that in & To are not one word... That makes me go back & read the second line & the fifth together as:"I wear all the faces of my shadows.../To the corners they stand in...
Then I back up & read: I wear all the faces of my shadows...Huddled, humbled old souls...
Some poems have to be digested slowly... This beginning is a good example. By reading it as I do, I pause, see, feel...
I can not keep from reading that second line throughout the ~I stanza... I wear all the faces of my shadows.../The bones of dead muses...& I see all the movement in the night, illuminated manic...
Stanza ~II gives the erotic interpretation... I have no pauses as I read. When I get to "Hope drops in the rain," I am understanding the waiting for the moving to stop...
Stamza ~III--after the orgasm of words-- I see thru the dark--pause to take in the rhyme for the rhythms have passed...
"This calling..." makes me go back to the "Night Moves"...
The rhymes, however, rule (wing) question(ing)go(ing)float(ing) fall(ing) {lift} {mist} morn(ing)...
I am seeing the craft--the form--then all moves stop...
Edited on Dec 16, 12:58 because ''. -
deeply felt....great write..thanks
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Good Moves!!!
Reminds me that I have never travelled by train but have always wanted to. I remember the song Night Moves growing up. And wanted to see the rendition of how you put this phrase into poetic form. This work leaves a good impression. Feels good to read it. -
Yep, completely agree...would change the tone dramatically...
typically when i read a piece...and more specifically...when i read your pieces...i read them once to myself...then go back and read it aloud because i know that often your wording plays so well aloud...or maybe moreso is meant to be "heard"...and that is why the "in...in" worked for me...
keep it!
UB
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oh wow... a comeback very cool
~ W -
oh, i think this is the best thing someone has said to me ever... its exactly what i strive for with each poem... to make the reader feel it... like music, yet... there's more
I'm smiling today Thanks so much!
~ Wendy -
Check out my response to Beatique regarding the "in's " placement, I'm glad you recognize what i was trying to accomplish there. The lines read much differently if the breaks are different. I think this is a good example of how important line breaks are to the entire flow and meaning of a poem.
Really appreciate your comments, thanks so much !
~ Wendy -
you know something travis... you are one of the most intelligent readers around this place, you always play back my poem for me in your own words and let me know what you saw and heard and how it worked or didn't work for you. That means so much, and I respect and value your comments tremendously
You're a sweetie, thank you
~ Wendy -
Sometimes, I really wish i could read these out loud so you could hear them... I understand your points, but... the "I"'s have to stay for "sound purposes and flow" when i read it, and the "in's" at the end of the lines ... well, it doesn't matter to me if the "in" falls at the END of the line or not, except that... when i read it out loud, that first "in" is almost an upward lift of voice and in order to emphasize that, dropping it at the end of that line sorta does that. It also was intentional on my part to break up the the "into" ... "in" falling at the end of the line, and "to" beginning the next line... Not sure if any of this makes sense, (I'm confusing myself now... lol) ...but ... i should record this.
I could have just broke the lines up differently, but it actually sounds different to me when i do that...
for instance,
"I take no prisoners
I wear all the faces of my shadows
And their clothes
To blend into the corners
They stand in
Huddled, humbled old souls"
hmmm...
Very interesting how line breaks can change the entire way a poem is read or heard, isn't it ?
Thanks for your feedback, always always valued
~ Wendy -
sometimes, i get so many wonderful comments, i just sit here and think to myself, how can people be so nice ? It really means a lot to me to be able to share my poems and have an audience who relates and appreciates them. I kept the damn things in boxes under my bed for the first 33 yrs of my life, so to put the poems out here (for me) is a risky thing emotionally i think... to get such fantastic feedback, encouragement and support... is priceless
thanks so much...
~ Wendy -
Excellent Work!
I just love this piece, it flows so well, I know I read it once, but that was just not enough, thanks for sharing piece of you!
-Timothy -
Excellent!
This is so manically good...Very well written and deeply felt i can sense that very much...
Very good!
Muse
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I loved this. so beautifully crafted, which in turn revealed all the layers of words beneath the words. I could speak every word to the one I love and mean it. Ah, so stunning
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Yup. Drunk on Moonbeams, catches all the silvers and blue, all the slivers and bow--borrows all the tattered words drifting in the night, puts them all in a row, sets the candles alight. Writes.
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your rhythm and rhyme is always gently mesmerising and I often find myself feeling the poem more than reading it - especially the first read through - and then it's down to hearing what you are saying and then once again reading to see what you are not saying and I think in this piece that concept is well illustrated
I really like the stages you go through here and the way they meld in together yet are moments separate and concise on their own
superbly vulnerable and I can feel the night accompanying these thoughts
:] -
I had to go back and re-read this several times...there is so much here to take in and absorb...and at the end of it all, the thing i take away with me most clearly is...don't they always leave huge pieces of them behind, buried somewhere in the darkness...creeping out in the wee hours to torment us...
i loved the entire piece, and many areas in particular...but for some reason, these lines stood out to me the most:
"...I wonder if you know
I’m still listening
To the rumbling of the tracks
You left on me..."
and personally i liked the "in...in" endings...forced me to pause and read the lines in a way that made them stand out and take on a bit more force...just my 2C on that.
UB
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this is my favorite kind of poetry, where love and romance are blended into the poetry writing process and give the poem a persona (you and mtpoet and jenneddin do this better than anyone) so it's no surprise that I think this is a wonderful poem! one of my favorites by you (LOL! I must have said that about a 100 or more of your poems when I read them for the first time)
a fabulous interior rhyme scheme (your signature) and natural flow, and a sort of dark foggy feel to it (shadows, ghosts, basement, moonlight, late night, rain, darkness, and mist - all such lenders to atmosphere)
yeah, I hear the dead bones of muses in this piece, and they enter me. great work here, wendy. I love this one!
I love how you move the trains and the rumbling, vibrating tracks through the night of this poem - more atmosphere. and then you bring me into the light, into the end of night and the beginning of morning. -
ur work has always spoke to me.....amazing imagry as i've come to expect from you....though i dont always comment i'm an avid fan....
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I must say, this is a very exceptional piece.
A most captivating write,
makes me wonder about
writing poems and
dead bones of muses...
This piece is the tops...
Warm hugs, and
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Excellent
With the beauty of these words dancing in my mind I would not be able to sleep either. You have set a new standard for me to aim for.
Excellent writing.
thanks,
John -
I wear all the faces of my shadows
And their clothes
To blend in
To the corners they stand in
> hmm... i think that maybe, the i in yr second line is gratuititous, and i question the ending of two lines in a row with "in"... actually i think i might question the ending of any line with in. but thats just me =)
sorry i took so long to reply, i was editing a new piece.
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Wendi, my favourites section is beginning to groan with the weight of your pieces!!
This is just beautiful. The imagery has the most amazing flow to it, you really get lost in this piece and its another one that can be read over and over and something new deciphered or interpreted every time.
From a selfish point of view, I hope your insomnia never goes away!!!
Nate. -
any better ? hmmm....
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trully compelling. keep writting
....fallen.... -
YOU just go sweetie and loved this one~YOU can't sleep and voila another masterpiece~When I can't sleep I make no sense
~ Awesome imagery and penned beautifully~Keep these a coming and one day get some sleep ~Loved it
Big hugs
and much love~Desire
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I wear all the faces of my shadows
And their clothes
So I can blend in
To the corners they stand in
>this section seems a bit awkward? too pronoun heavy maybe?
Like ghosts clanking poems
And if you listen close enough
To the undertones
They will enter you
Like the manic light of moon
Slices up the room
Into brilliant hiding places
>my favorite part, this is gorgeous. =)
so much in here, the imagery is sharp, and well focused. i enjoyed this. thanks. -
just a wow and a love it for now
but i ll be back for another read -
This is a beautiful work i really love the imagery here, and it flows so nicely too. my favorite lines:
Like the manic light of moon
Slices up the room
Into brilliant hiding places
keep writing, I will have to read more of your works!! ~ rainwalker
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Wondermous.
These journeys through the mind that you write are always a pleasure to read. You do have a knack for the sort of imagery that will penetrate your reader's subconscious, thereby carrying raw and powerful emotions to them with or without their permission LOL. I was particularly fond of your imagery in this bit:
"Like the manic light of moon
Slices up the room
Into brilliant hiding places"
You crafted that image perfectly with words, and it really empowered the whole piece.
Much respect,
Sarah
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Perfect 10
One Perfectly Worded Piece!!! *Cheers* to you for writing it, as the crowd goes wild *Claps everywhere you hear, and screams of Yeah, this gal can write!!! ~Smiles~ This was a deep one, and I love how it flowed within it's uniqueness, every part of this poem I enjoyed, I guess the imagery that you pen so amazingly, just captured my attention from start to finish, and that my dear, is what I call 'The Jam' keep up the wonderful works, and I'm looking forward in reading you again soon sweetie! Much love always! *Rose*
-Timothy -
It is interesting how this poem expresses how I have been feeling of late, although my feelings were more vauge, like Neptune on my Moon. Usually I filter my emotions, balance them and measure them. But the only knife sharp enough to slice through logic is emotion, so I let it go and flow, omce in awhile. Then I experience this poem. I ask myself questions based on hope, sadness, fear & trust, in the order they appear. The train is full of one passenger in the heart of all its passengers. And then the shadows come, cloaking the inner light with desperation, and the war between light and dark is realized once again. And then the crack of dawn, the parting of temporary innocence engulfs the sparkling rays of the sun. Are the kids off to school yet? LOL! Sorry, this LSD Flashback is acting up again, you are probably thinking. But some poems really get my subconscious going. G'morning! ET
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