Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

nineteen inch angels

Missing image

T

frozen

season's thawing

beneath wintry white coat,

frolicking blades of tender grass

lick at drops of melted flakes under the

skies of grey, casting sad shadows

throughout the day, and fresh

buds held in time,

frozen

T

angels

wings, no longer

in flight, yet spread across

yards dancing in delight. Snowmen

built before Gods' thermostat awakens,

his finger points toward springtime

and breathes life into all

his fallen white

angels

T

again,

the time arrives,

open your stale windows,

bring quilts of dust out into the

yard and beat patches of memories so

old man winter can see you are

destined for a new year

of promises,

again

T

Author notes

- A Rictameter String -

 

Syllable count:

 

2 4 6 8 10 8 6 4 2

X 3

 

The first and last ( 2 ) syllable word/s have to be the same -

 

 

 

 

Transitioning from Winter, into Spring -

 

http://allpoetry.com/contest/2400099

 

Picture Credit:

 

Taken from tristas' sisters yard...>>>>

 

Just when I thought spring was here, this is what I woke up to this morning.

Yep, that's 19 inches of snow on my sister's picnic table.

She lives just a few miles from me and my yard looks the same.

Just yesterday most of the ground was bare.

And it's snowing AGAIN, as I type this up!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • NeonRose
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Amazingly beautiful in all aspects. The form, the flow, the theme...just perfect! Congratulations on winning the Gold.


  • trista gold member
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Bear,

    As always, your form on this is just perfect...the count, the presentation, language, and with wonderful metaphors. I especially loved this line: "Snowmen/built before Gods' thermostat awakens," I think you want "God's" there btw? ( "Gods'" would be plural.) Similarly, it should technically be "angel's" or "angels'" beginning the 2nd verse, though I'm guessing you skipped the apostrophe to keep it identical to the last line there. The only other problem I had was the lines ending with "the"...but then you already know I have a thing about that. I know it's done quite often, but to me it lessens impact and makes for somewhat awkward breaks in flow.

    All in all, a very beautiful Rictameter. You've definitely done the picture justice. Thanks so much for entering and good luck!

    s
    ~J.
    P.S. Will see you soon over at the PO contest...need to finish this up, then get dinner started in the oven first.


  • eclairluv
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The metaphors are wondrous "...quilts of dust...beat patches of memories..." those are my favorite. You are talented indeed!! I like!!


    • Arkbear gold member
      April 25, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you so much :)

      You have made me

      Thank you for stopping by, and God bless,

      Bear ~


  • NeonRose
    April 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful form, beautiful words. What more can we ask for? Good luck in the contest!


  • Creatress
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nice form, well written as it flows nicely. I personally am no good at form poems so I applaud you for that!
    creatress


  • Kari gold member
    April 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow!
    This is so pretty, lovely and very much likeable.
    You have such a wonderful gift for this kind of poetry.
    Imagery in this piece jumped out of the page, and also some people can find metaphors in this as well I believe.
    Incredible job, and the best of luck to you in the contest.

    Kari


    • Arkbear gold member
      April 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Kari :)

      Thank you so much for the kind review

      The Rictameter is one of my Fav. Forms....and it is always a wonderful feeling to dive into one now and then,

      ....be well and God bless,

      Bear ~


  • quack silver member
    April 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is pretty i like it


  • grannyeri gold member
    April 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You write these forms so well - a lovely string of rictameters - in your author notes think you mean transitioning from winter into spring. Great images created by your words.


    • Arkbear gold member
      April 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      Hi Erika :)

      I looked and looked, and thought....what is she talking about????

      ....and then I finally saw the missing *r* in transitioning...hehe....thank you!

      ....and thank you for stopping by

      Bro Bear ~

1 - 11 of 11