regurgitating

The night drew me in
and my words reached him
but he responded as I thought
and I can't say I was disappointed
I accustomed myself to pain

even as the doorway stood empty

he walked away from me...

our friendship never developed,
it just...STOPPED.

until, there was nothing to talk about
and the sound of my heart breaking over and over again
became a routine, one I didn't want
one I couldn't break

I let it sink deep down inside of me
so it wouldn't hurt so much
and I wouldn't have to grit my teeth at the sound of his name
but as always, it'll come back up--regurgitated
and I could not repress it anymore
so I would cry another night,
my pillow--my only witness

and my future was devoid of him
he became background static
my only hope abandoned me
I never talked of it anymore after a while
induced pain nestled into the void of my heart
until I sank lower and lower into myself

no one would understand
the friendship we had

I can mourn it for years
but instead, I brace myself
and step onto a road that I've now learned
to walk down by myself
and the place at my side where he should be
is even emptier now.