Tiny immeasurable seeds forge at the dawn of creation
manipulating obstacles, if only to thrive;
drawing upon energies from positive forces,
while oscillating between the abyss of despair and heaven's heritage.
Opening golden gates of opportunities,
destiny has designed a perpetual course,
adhering its elaborately webbed plan.
Cataloging mistakes, derived from life's lessons, merging on!
A multi-functional ladle in mankind's soup
of war-like searching for faint security,
as we dance amid adversity,
cloaking itself as desirable;
side stepping onto a plane of clarity.
Transforming alien energies into corporeal martyrdom;
a temporary fire-baptism melts all resistance.
Persistent struggles; confinement of objectivity's,
reverence in ones sanctity's.
Sledge hammering intentional dreams,
until beauty's cry stays a reminder;
acceptance unfolds like a gentle flower.
Divine desires; revel in perversity,
seasoning antiquities for generations to relish,
while objectivity's hand carefully germinates a priceless lotus,
fondling with endless amounts of star-dust.
Author notes
Your Prompt is: Perseverance
No matter the outcome we enjoyed ourselves writing this together
Photo from: Big stock photo bp2.blogger.com/_kPSmxv07T-I/RjH_m7gYWII/AAAA..
Nevel / MysticalRayne
In a list
A contest entry
- Vines Intertwining - A Collaboration Contest #75 by Lyndon.
5250 points, ended July 20, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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There is so much in this. It has so many layers which make you want to read it again and again to see it reveal itself. But it's a pleasure to read as it's thick with meaning and incredibly eloquent. Excellent idea for people to collaborate. There should be more contests like that.
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very well written... great collab.... thought provoking... good imagery... love the background. You two should be very proud of this outcome.... Sorry you didn't do well in the contest. In my opinion this should have won an award.
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Well done collaboration.
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WOW,
a breath taking collaboration worthy of note. Your words bring many thoughts to mind, with endless uestions attached. I much enjoyed this offering.
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Very Thought-provoking...
Thank you for sharing your masterpiece with us! I'll be back soon to read more of your outstanding poetry!! Take care and have a great day!!! Peace, Yellow Moon
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Wow.
Completely seamless and spot on to the contest prompt. You two have written an amazing poem this is not soon forgotten. Very very impressive.
Your last stanza says so much and I fell in love with the reference to acceptance unfolding like a gentle flower. Very nicely done. Thank you for a wonderful collaboration. ~Pamela
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My brain hurts!
Give me two aspirin. Those words are hard to assimilate. Very brilliant writing that is worth two looks. Your word choice shows a wonderful ability to turn a deep poetic phrase. Thanks for the share!
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I really enjoyed this poem well done, john
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a richly written piece
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Love the theme of this write, title fits perfectly. Well done!
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This write was amazing! I absolutely loved the line
"A mult-functional ladle in mankind's soup" This line was original and very clever! I can appreciate the imagery and vocabulary as well. Great job and good luck in the contest! This write deserves a trophy for sure!
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Wow, I never realised until the ending that this was two peoples thoughts. Extremely well blended in style and rhythm. Niaish for sharing it with us here.
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Loved it...loved it...loved it!
That was truly a universe of brillance in this cleverly,
written poem!
Each line a feast of nutrition and flavor!
This certainly was an incredible vine...abundant and
fruitful on each line and verse!
Applause-Applause-Applause!
ears/Seattle
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Good luck with the contest.I love the figurative language throughout the whole thing/
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Wow, I clicked on this because of the great title, and I wasn't let down! Total good luck in the contest, you totally deserve the win, this was fantastic!
I loved the "Sledge hammering intentional dreams", such a strong image!!
Love it ^_^
Keep up the great work, and again, good luck in the contest!
xx
V/E
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WOnderful write you tow ! Congrats on this and good luck!
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Love the title. It goes well with the poem. Seamless, I can't tell that it is a collaboration of two writers, you blend the free verse so well. Powerful. Very good metaphor. Good imagery, flow and tone. Nice simile. Good descriptives. Good word choice, alliteration and assonance. My only suggestion is to fix some of the punctuation. Other than that, a very good write. Best wishes in the contest.
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this is really good mom and bro
i love you both
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hmmm...
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. it seems a bit cluttered, a lot of words, specifically "big" words that the average reader may not understand.
Don't get me wrong - there are some AWESOME AWESOME lines in this piece.
"A multi-functional ladle in mankind's soup" - a very nice alteration from the 'slotted spoons don't hold much soup' type of cliche - very VERY nice.
"temporary fire-baptism melts..." - WOW - I hadn't thought of an idea like this - very powerful and an interesting opinion on how baptism into hell will negate everything prior.
"Sledge hammering intentional dreams" - again, a very powerful image, just aching of 'please help me defeat this nightmare called life/death!'
"fondling with endless amounts of star-dust" - beautiful ending line, as star-dust can be seen as both a positive expression from heaven, or a devastating drug issue - leaving the reader with a twisted feeling, should we smile or cry? We don't know, it could be either way.
A good read - again, some big words could be redone - being poetic can be plain and simple, as well as elaborate. Just keep an eye on your audience and who you're writing to - that doesn't mean change it completely, but that is something we as poets need to remember. A good work. -
very deep
many lines of thought provoking commentary on life. I really enjoyed this piece. good job you two!
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Excellent
Such a beautiful creation. So well expressed and fantastic word choice. Best of luck in the contest.
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