Clear as water
Everything seems simpler
Not a single problem or obstacle
Everything seems particle.
Mistaken conception
Failure of redemption
Lost and bewildered
Drink to become staggered
Heart becomes crestfallen
Unique specimen
Blue eyed and feminine
One last sin
Blond hair drenched in alcohol
Her conscious takes a toll
Overwhelmed with intoxication
Willing to kill her only recreation.
Author notes
these are the photo's I used
http://www.nhslothian.scot.nhs.uk/news/annual_reports/publichealth/2005/ar2003/images/ch4/pregnant3.jpg
http://babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/pregnantdrunk.jpg
A contest entry
- people watcher by zillion.
300 points, ended May 7, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PreWrite contest for my favorites/AP family/and group!!! by Kathraina.
1055 points, ended February 15, 290 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
do you understand the concept...did you like it?
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Judged-ola!
umm...interesting lolz
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the meanings in this are very complex. something worth thinking about.
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Wonderful poem... The rhyme scheme was fantastic, and the meaning was strong.
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Wonderful write. The meter and rhyme were flawless, and this was an expertly written social commentary that arouses a lot of thought and concern.
I salute you for your in-depth thoughts and social awareness, as well as your poetic talent.
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BRILLIANT!
This was amazing, I was able to follow the path that alcohol leads you down, and you did a great job defining this path very clearly,good work
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very intense. I have no first hand knowledge of drunks, or even heavy drinking, but I could follow the downhill path toward destruction that you so clearly defined.
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WOW this poem is incredible
It's odd but though it's so bad temporarily vodka does its wonders to supress all your pain. -
This is such a great poem and such a good one to put out there. You have done this so well and I love the word choice. Very thought provoking poem, well done.
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Very Good Work
My mother is an alcoholic, Vodka being her drink of choice. My reading of this is probably a bit different than you intended because of this, but I did enjoy it. Thank you for the vivid read.
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i like the way you explained the details without even saying them, i know that sounds weird but it's so true. good job and good luck in the contest
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jcqlnclvn
"Unique specimen
Blue eyed and feminine.." race and gender specific..thought provoking. Good luck in the contest!
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Reading this piece and seeing the pictures you used for your inspiration...I see the connection.
I think you did a good job on this...and portraying a woman who drink during their preganacy. My favoirte lines:
"Her conscious takes a toll
Overwhelmed with intoxication
Willing to kill her only recreation."
The flow was perfect
Anyways good luck in the contest.
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fine write
serious turn it takes in combination with the pics... simple and clear. good luck, Götz
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Dont have words for it
heart becomes crestfallen
unique specimen
thats my favourite part.
this is fucking brilliant. great writing. this is definitely going to be on my most read list. thank you for sharing this.
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Wow
This is a very powerful poem. It sends a great message that can easily be related to. The rhythm works well and the imagery is great. Well Done. Good Luck. ~Peace~Gar -
I really love the ending, or at least how it appears when I read it. I don't know if we had the same thought process going there, but it's good.
My favorite lines were:
"One last sin
Blond hair drenched in alcohol
Her conscious takes a toll
Overwhelmed with intoxication
Willing to kill her only recreation."
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very nice
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rocks
i like it, good style nice flow.
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Everything seems particle.
Favorite line.
Enjoyed this immensely. Great style.
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