I
As in me,
Myself,
Singular person,
this person,
this self
this me
Love
as in a feeling,
Undefinable,
A bodily reaction,
A longing
This reaction
This feeling
This longing.
You.
As in not me,
Not this self,
The other,
A person.
This person
This other.
These three words.
No real meaning,
No real rhyme
Together meaning
A commitment,
A promise,
A life,
A change,
A lie,
A way out.
These three words
Together they mean everything
Author notes
Funny how three normal words together can cause pain, joy, sadness and bliss.
A contest entry
- Thoughts & Emotions by albinoblacksheep720.
700 points, ended November 27, 2008, 43 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Rate and read Explain why you liked it or not
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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great
i loved it it was very heart felt
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Hm...
Very nice. I like your thought. But is your thought about? What are these three words? Your train of thought is good but, it should always explain itself. Please put down the option. But, regardless, nice work. Keep writing. -
This was great! I love weaving homemade definitions into poems...elaborating like you did
I especially liked...
"Together meaning
A commitment,
A promise,
A life,
A change,
A lie,
A way out."
It's refreshing that you took neither the hopeless romantic, nor the jaded cynical approach to this, but rather gently incorporated them both. It is so very interesting, these simple words...
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This is awesome. Simple words put in the right places, drawing out the intended feelings without a bunch of fancy-schmancy. (yes, that is a technical term, lol)
The link that brought me here said you dont get alot of comments....you should get this into some contests. That would get you some feedback for sure. Your lack of comments is certainly NOT from lack of quality. Great job. (also I TOTALLY see why "a lie" is listed....it doesnt seem out of place to me at all....just my opinion but I vote keep it in)
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Wow...this was so simple but so deep at the same time. I liked the way you explained these words so well, then merged them in meaning at the end of your poem. Very well done!!! I liked this a lot,
all the best!
KP -
Not bad ...
but I wonder why "A lie" is there with the other lines in the next to last stanza? It doesn't seem to belong with the rest.
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great write. Because those three words can be so hard to say. Keep it up.
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Simply put and well impacting -- a terrific way of looking at it, and inbaised too. Well freaking done!!!
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Good
But a little complicated to give as a love note/letter to a lover unless their an English major. I don't know how they'd feel about the use of form and expression, but for us poets, well done.
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