Dark clouds obscure the horizon with the coming of the night.
What new challenges do they portend? I feel my spirit fade.
I am weary and I no longer have the strength to fight
the ghosts my past won’t release or any future shades.
In the remaining sunlight, I will make my final stand.
Though I am tired and defeated I will make a final choice.
I will release my spirit while I still am in command
to join the universal brightness and with my dying voice
I will sing among the stars a song of one who’s blessed
and find my peace in solitude in the darkening void.
No longer burdened with this plane, finally I rest
rocked by the swinging motion of my hope destroyed.
Author notes
Still trying to touch the darkness – maybe a bit closer this time. This is pretty literal from the prompt so I guess it’s more “inside the box” (not referring to coffins, of course LOL).
Prompt: Picture
Picture Credit: Monday Morning by TiTan666
A contest entry
- Pic Inspired by Tattboyspet.
475 points, ended April 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Comments Always Welcome
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
Very good, especially the last two lines. I appreciate the suicide not portrayed as giving up but standing up and taking control. Realistic enough to be just a touch creepy
-
yes, this one is a bit inside the box, but I think you're doing a really good job
The darkness is definitely evident and it seems that you leave the last line to bring the can of whipass (lol!)
One little observation ... while writing your darkness, allow more to come through ... I don't know how to explain it - just allow all the negative thoughts to come through from the picture and put them all down, then start working around what the pic made you feel ... does that make sense?
It seems that your lead up to the final bang starts losing it and starts getting almost grey there in the middle and then the last line is straight back into the dark ...
lol - I hope this is making sense to you
oh, and thank you for your entry
-
For someone who is NOT dark, you are catching on quickly. The photo is very disturbing, and you carried it off fairly well.
rocked by the swinging motion gave me chills.
Well done, Ken
Cheryl
-
I believe justice is done with this poem. Speaks loud and clear. I got hooked on the preview so I took a chance. Glad I did. My fav line in this is,
'the ghosts my past won’t release'
Wish you the best of luck! -
-
Thank you for your kind comments. I'm new to "dark" so your encouragement is welcome...
Ken
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
