when the wind is silent
and there's no more to be told
who will stand at my lonely side
no hero to call my own
and god is far from home
siren songs lost in lament
tales of unforgivable torment
where is my champion?
where is my soul?
lost and alone
all i feel is bitter cold
biting ripping tearing
at the broken shell i call my own
where is phantom beating of my heart
can you feel it slipping
slowly further my thoughts
and further from your warmth
no sun to banish this blight
of never ending night
cuts and bruises broken bones
bloody sores and lifeless eyes
where were you when i needed you most
can hear me call as fall from light
this siren song of untold agony
calling forever to your unhearing ears
Author notes
Forever Lasting Coma, the kind i know so well
A contest entry
- I'm in the mood for ANYTHING! by ForeverLastingComa.
550 points, ended April 25, 2008, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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what can be said that hasn't be said before he, all i can say now is keep it flowing and congrads on the contest
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Great write you've got here!
Pretty much the theme behind it
gave the piece a great insight
for the reader to delve in ^^
Although, the flow would've been well
if there were punctuation marks and
the right capitalization especially "God"
(Sorry, it's awkward to me when I read pieces
with the word 'God' mentioned with a lowercase g)
Nevertheless, this is a great write, indeed!
Keep it up!
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thanks
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Loved it
i think lines 6-10 can jjust be deleted, they dont do anything for the poem.
line 14 theres an error, it should have "the beating"
in the 'slowly further from my thoughts' there should be 'from'
I really liked this poem bc 1. i am a HUGE Harry Potter fan lolll, and 2. it had really good flow when i made those corrections in my head
You captured the essence of the Dog Star, congratulationess
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Interesting, very powerful write..you kept my shprt attention span and had me wanting to finish this poem which is a really hard thing to do for me..i sometimes feel this way also..i guess everyone has this feeling every now and then..great write..thank you for entering and good luck =)
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Excellent write a very powerful dark piece..
Beautiful dark....
Many blessings and best wishes with this entry...
~A~
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wow! Dark night of the soul expressed wonderfully. Well done.
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This fits her and the contest
Best of luck on the win! I think you'll get it!
Although I thought you were writing a commentary on Penelope and Odesseus from the Oddessy. -
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your awesome thanks so much
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Where's my cookie??
Just teasing... This was very powerful, heartbreakingly vivid. The beginning silences all and prepares the reader for the poem- Well done!!!
"when the wind is silent
and there's no more to be told"
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