Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

Limbo

Missing image

Memories play over and over

in my mind, or at least I think

it’s a mind. I don’t know what’s

real anymore; and flashes of specters

 

dashing to and fro make me nervous

 

Like a bizarre, lingering, never

waking nightmare this place is

misty and vast, with the ever constant

moaning of thousands of spirits;

 

their cries reverberate through my soul

 

In the distance, I see visages of those

whom I left grieving, I try running

to them, but they only move further

away as if being pulled from me;

 

what sort of taunting anguish is this?

 

I must find a way out of this dark,

tormenting place, for I do not belong here

nor can I bear the sorrow of loved ones

as they weep bitter tears;

 

that falls like chilled rain.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Picture prompt

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • brightXdarkness
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I LOVE THE ENDING!!!! The imagery is also very good here, and I could almost feel the emotion of the need to escape and the torment of knowing the now. Also, the confusion that you described in the beginning of this poem was also very good with the first stanza! Really good write!! Thank you for entering my contest, and best of luck in having done so!!

    Alex


  • ModernXTimes
    June 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great job on the prompt and a great poem as well. It was chilling, haunting, and of course, very eerie. It's not completely dark at all though, it is the sad story of a person looking for a way out. It's very difficult to take a dark prompt and make it seem...well, not so dark. I especially love the last line. It gave me chills. What's funny is that the italic lines can almost read as another poem! <3 <3 <3 The poem!

    Sincerely,
    ModernXTimes


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    April 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ooooh... chilling, haunting....
    The last line was incredible. Actually, the whole poem was.
    I like it when you write dark poems... not because I'm glad to see you feeling dark... but you do it so well and it's a genre I can relate to.
    Of course, I'd rather see you happy and writing your sweet romance poems.
    I loved your take on the prompt. Limbo is a fascinating concept - one you conveyed expertly.


  • zochit2me gold member
    April 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I could feel the anguish while reading this. Not used to reading dark poetry from you but I think you did a great job.
    That last line is fantastic!

    I believe I would change "falls" to fall though...just sounds better to me.
    I read the top of your page and I hope everything is alright with you.

    Becky


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is you writing dark at your best Dad. Deep painful emotions of feeling so lost , under the weight beared came through so well.

    I know I couldn't get all that from the pic, so admire, truly admire that you did

    Well done and good luck in the contest



    Cin


  • Amera gold member
    April 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a wonderful thought provoking read. Thought provoking because it is only dark in the author's own mind. He/She's out of control and frustrated and you depict that well with the emotional imagery.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Anemone-Rose
    April 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    whoa i was completly taken back, because im the sam way cept with some differences. whoa that is so good. not good, great.


  • Avendesora Dreamer
    April 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh. oh, my goodness...I don't know how I can describe how it makes me feel beyond...well, some of your phrasing tickles my inspiration bone and if I could just sit and listen to it, I'd be off and writing. I think what I'm trying to say is that its really good...and good luck!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    April 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! That is an amazing piece MJ.. I don't see it as 'dark' but more as 'sad' and a troubled spirit. I can definitely relate to that!

    Fantastic write!


  • Margaret Denham gold member
    April 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You asked me not to write dark, how come you can? You do it well though, with a chill feeling to your words.

    Best wishes in the contest dear.

    Love Margaret

1 - 10 of 10