Bear witness, heavens, mother’s grief –
the torment woe I’m crushed beneath;
pounds the depths, claws elevations,
my Demeter desolation.
Obsidian the chill, sharp night
of Hades’ realm, my daughter’s plight;
primrose snatched from jubilation,
my Demeter desolation.
Sorrow’s mantle chokes the earth;
Whilst I grieve, no seed shall birth –
all shall join in lamentation
my Demeter desolation.
Bear witness, heavens, mother’s grief,
my Demeter desolation.
Author notes
Prompt: Sharing seasons without warmth and wonder. Quote: "Their smiles, wan as primroses gather'd at midnight By chilly finger'd spring" ~~~ John Keats
Kyrielle Sonnet: 14 lines, each of 8 syllables, rhymed AabB, ccbB, ddbB AB. A repeating line/refrain appears as the last line of each stanza.
Persephone, beautiful daughter of Demeter [duh-MEE-tur], while picking flowers was lured to a magical flower with one hundred stems of fragrant blossoms. It was a trap, and Hades seized her and took her to his realm to be his Queen. Her heartbroken mother, goddess of agriculture, forsook the earth in her grieving search, causing winter. Hades was pressured to release Persephone for 2/3 of the year, but during the months she must return to her husband, her mother grieves. http://messagenet.com/myths/bios/demeter.html
A contest entry
- Sharing Seasons Without Warmth & Wonder~Quote & Colour Theme by Blue Rew.
1088 points, ended April 23, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Kyrielle - Pain by Little Eagle.
600 points, ended May 27, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Thank you for your entry
Excellent word usage. The personification of this and the expression of winter in such a way. I can really picture this with the imagery of your word choices and use of poetic devices. Your second to last stanza really gets me. I feel the constriction caused by grief. This puts me in mind of a mother's grief and the barreness of her loss.
The form was well done and I like the rhyme scheme which created a nice rhythm. I feel you are no stranger to this form as you have written it masterfully.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
One of my favorite myths, the story of Persephone and Demeter. You've done a great joy portraying the tale.
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Wonderful! flow, imagery, rhyme, story all pristine and just - wonderful!
I throw roses at your feat!
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Thank you so much!
I was a bit nervous as it's the first time I have tried one of these forms with a repeating line! I was very grateful it used couplets, which I am comfortable with.
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Always interesting! constructively done and providing some history of mythology as well, moods of women defining the seasons...so well done!
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Yes, I know this story well and in fact
"Demeter" has been applied to a certain personality
of women. The form used captures the lore well and
sets it to a tune of despair as anguish repeats each
season. Excellent take on the prompt. Blue
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I am not so disciplined as to conduct structural poems, so am in great admiration of all who do. This is a little painful, and requires some knowledge of Poseidon's violations. But so artfully rendered, nice movement and well laid out message. Beautifully done.
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Wonderful imagery and follows the story of Persephone so beautifully. A very enjoyble read. Good luck
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I do love a Kyrielle sonnet and you have written it very well for this contest. Your words are sturdy and held tightly with your strong anchor line.
Excellent. Best of luck in this contest. Well done.
~Pamela
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a good poem, i was thinking then of mythology as i was reading, the tarot cards came into my mind too with the imagery.
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