Perfectly undone,
clutching the picture with the broken glass
that shattered when we fell;
slipping into
the ocean's undertow,
crushed and consumed by
the building pressures of the constant
ebb and flow
of holes,
created by a lack of you;
but I don't want your sorry's,
and I don't need your touch,
and I don't need your lips
to resuscitate me,
breathe me back to life;
no, I don't want your worries,
and I don't need your love;
all you ever do
is drag me down,
you won't drag me down with you.
If you crash and burn
without me there to
catch you when you fall,
well, that's your fault
for counting on me to be your machine--
because this is version 2.0.
I don't need your sorrow,
and I don't need your hand,
and I don't want your tired voice
to lull me back to sleep;
I can dream just fine alone.
Author notes
The Other Kendal
1j+3g
(with bits of 1b, 1c, and 3c...)
A contest entry
- Options contest, with a twist by DeAnges.
450 points, ended April 30, 2008, 6 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
What comes after 2.0?
Some very good lines here as I use the quick comment for the first time on your work, 'Perfectly Undone', broken glass....shattered, undertow, crushed and consumed, pressure, ebb and flow...
and, "I can dream just fine alone...."
Again, a little bitter and remorseful, but then who writes poetry when they are joyously happy?
No one.
Art is pain. I don't give a rat's pooper whether it is poetry or music or sculpture, if it were easy, everyone would do it well.
I would like to envision you finding happiness and content one day, but then you wouldn't write any more love poems, now, would you?
Amicus...
-
Great
WoW great work ,
and I don't want your sleepy voice
to lull me back to sleep;
I can dream just fine alone.
Those lines really stood out to me it's something we all feel I guess
Congrats on the Gold !
-
Good write! I liked the flow of this one and the way you used the options. Sorry my comments suck lately, but I really did enjoy this poem.
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