Trembling trepidation apprehensive origins
seemingly alone among deeper rampages,
layered intentions test thoughts
emerging radically sporadic
chaotic & coming without warning
a passion play in an unforeseen future;
Perception's palpitation fuels the ignition
challenging duality against our prophetic stain,
a malevolently sewn repentance speaks
a hiss purging bittered curiosities,
surreality boasts in gagged asphyxiation
deprived of dependency yet still symbiotic;
Submissive penance veils dominations yearning,
under shallow skin pagaentries and thin smiles
a stiff devious intention pleads a harder thrust,
such sweet salvation of needful pains answered;
a hollow charade fails an intense groaning reply,
simple commands to genuflect in subservient volition,
granting comfort in the fear which is confused for love;
Desperation granted virtue in climactic reign,
heightened senses quivering envious disguise,
souless adaptation beckons it's carnal thirst quenched;
feeding the discipline down unto pleasured gasps;
sinful persuasion of a distinctive preference
starving the antectdote to poisonous temptations,
loss of inhibition silenced a captive desire appeased;
Lecherous habitual rites brutally satiate,
demanding all obsessions to subdue fully
servile flesh controls the agonizing release;
physical domination binds loathing to lust,
smiling crimson wounds in rouge harmony
applaud themselves with stinging salt;
Subordinate Kingdoms plant flags in flesh
claiming territory - submission of will.
Author notes
Stanzas 1,3,5,: Grimoire
Stanzas 2,4 : PerfectImperfection
A contest entry
- Prewrite only by kitty23.
470 points, ended June 6, 2008, 68 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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This is really good.I am at a loss for words.I like what you did here.
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Thank you... This makes me wonder if my counterpart promoted this again lol! Thanks again for the kind comment, take care!
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nice words used here congrats on the HM
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This is an awesome poem. I like your description of submission and domination. it was very interesting to me. Enjoyed the read! Thank you for entering my contest.
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...I felt like the Minotaur was persuing me through the Labyrinth !!!
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It is a great piece. One would have to have experienced submission and domination
physically and spiritually to understand the depth of what the writer is describing. -
this was a great poem and it was very intence to read..kept me on the edge till the end..very powerful..not quite what im looking for in my contest though..however keep writting your talented..thank you for entering and good luck
~Chrissy -
I really like where you took this poem and as a collaboration touche' you two must have been very in tune with each other. Your last stanza sums this piece up powerfully ~ bravo
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This piece seems so raw, yet with an abundance of purposed complexities.. I am sure the two of you found this to be interesting in your own minds, however, I feel it is too abstract to retain its original meaning - if you will. Prolific and descriptive, but vacant of true emotion.
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Emotions aren't necessarily needed in the animal kingdom. When there are dominant alpha , submissive beta, and the whole gammet of levels which pervade every species including humans. Sometimes the pure animalistic charecteristics which are encoded within our DNA are more about urges and needs, power and control, predator and prey, than of emotional response. I am sorry that the poem is NOT a Hallmark greeting card, or a "love" poem with tearjerking emotional pleasantries. But no apologies are made beyond THAT!
until immolation,
Grimoire (and Perfectimperfection)
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this is
penetrating. (l.o.l.) sorry couldn't help myself!
anyway a very in-tune collaboration. good job!
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I must admit that the work appears to be from the same individual. However, it would appear to me that vocabulary was used that excludes the common reader. I am not referring to myself and if you want to test me take a shot at it. This piece has so much interplay of semantics to cause the casual mind to go dull. While it might appear to be flashing and lights on, it loses all that for me in that I think about the casual reader. They would be completely lost and it would not be their fault. We must write in a fashion that excludes no one. The content of submission and domination is not only good, it has great thinking in mind to do it in collaboration. The lines bore me not because I can't understand them, but because they are not necessary. Why in the world would you write line after line that is not in common language. You possess one job as a poet and that is to speak to the people on the street. If you think this accomplishes that then the common man you know is not the same one I spend my days with. RC
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This was an awesome piece. I too loved the balance between the Domination and submission. Very powerful words. I loved it all. Thank you for sharing. Goodluck in the contest.
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I clicked on this because your screen name intrigued me. What I found, however, was a collaborative offering that seems as if it comes from one voice instead of two, even though there are two distinctly different viewpoins here. Well done.
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Wow. For parts of this piece to be written by different poets, it flows together seamlessly. This piece is so.... I can't even think of the adjective I want to use. It speaks volumes of each of these roles. Great job
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This is amazing..I love the ending. What am I saying? I love it all!
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I have to echo the praise in the balance you struck between domination and submission. It is one thing to focus on one of those by itself, but to blend them so clearly and still so smoothly in one poem is a very nice feat. I also enjoyed your strong language in here, lots of powerful and expressive words. Thanks for sharing! All my best to you and yours!
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im speechless
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This is amazing. I love how you made it balanced between the two characteristics. The last 4 lines are my favorite. Keep up the great writting.
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This is wonderful. I like how you took all the elements of submission and domination and showed them in balance. Fantastic also as you sounded like the same poet. That takes some doing. If you had not shown us who wrote what, I would have missed it. I love the last two lines. I think it is a fantastic ending to a powerful piece.
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