Tears and Fairy Tales (prewritten)

If I close my eyes and open my soul
I wonder what my heart would behold
The scary notion of what reality would be
If I just walked blind and stopped fighting to see
I am tired of believing in fairy tales
But they are more real to me
Then the burns that mar my skin
from searching for altered realities
Happiness is possible
I know that love is real
But I just lost the one person
Who ever motivated me to feel
Whether I hated him
Or loved him
Needed him
or loathed him
Whether I ignored him
or fought him
cut him close with my words
Stabbed him deep with the swords
that shot from my looks of disgust
When interacting with him
Feeling was a must
Dreaming was what i had to do
if I were to survive
Fairy Tales kept me from losing my
mind
He showed me how to be
He was so much a part of me
And of that I was scared
being like him I feared
and now as my eyes tear
my heart aches and slowly breaks
My world shakes
As the universe quakes
how do I be a daddy's girl
when my daddy is gone
kind of like the world's most blessed singer
with out the words to her song
the worlds most gifted writer
with no story to tell
If he is gone to heaven
why does it feel like I just entered hell

I guess I could be cold hearted
And fall a prey to those worldly traps
I am sure people would say
"Tiny wouldn't want that"
But I don't know what he would want
I don't know if he really cared
I don't know if his mistakes came from
heartache, boredom, or fear
I know nothing about the man
born 2-24-52
I know nothing about what
he expects for me to do
Was he happy with me as
his baby girl
Was I the biggest disappointment
in the world
Was he disgusted I was gay
that he never heard me say
"daddy walk me down the aisle"
that it was years since he had
ever made me smile
he taught me how to ride my bike
made sure I would never fall
he showed me that in life
If you are loved you have it all
His absence teaches emptiness
gives life a blandness
I never realized I was above
it all seems pointless
did he know he was loved
the only person I could ever forgive
the person who taught me how to live
now gone forever
will we meet again
will these tears ever end


JayLynn
Copyright All Rights Reserved
2-23-03