I hurt badly
Bulging with bumps and bruises
my belt branded
with all my pain
and close to my belly button
my soul
beaten and burned
these injuries are internal
but, unfortunately,
bleed out my battered mouth
(forgive me)
Author notes
Option 1 - - alliteration by catie052 "a beautiful lie"
A contest entry
- ALMOST ANYTHING GOES by VerminVomit.
303 points, ended May 5, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options Contest by Simply Simple.
1000 points, ended June 7, 2008, 83 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Classic.
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ahhhhh! these are so old...lol
thanks for reading
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Not sure about this
beatened and burned,
I don't like the beatened bit, it seems to dislodge my flow of thought as I read it. The work is great but I wish this one word was changed to just beaten?.
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Yes, I am atime traveler..lol, nicely written exercise in alliteration! I see though, several wonderful poeticly turned phrases:
"and close to my belly button
my soul"
interesting description of place for your soul!
and:
"these injuries are internal
but, unfortunately,
bleed out my battered mouth
(forgive me)"
very effective poetically.
Nice write!
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Odd... This is rather sad when thought upon. Reminds me of an abused young child...
The alliteration was interesting. Thanks for entering.
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pretty cool
i can imagine someone...sitting in a corner with your exact description... and then pleading for forgiveness... i think its pretty cool -
ohh! i love this one. your words are nicely put. great writ!
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