He drew me in
like a summer moon
does the sleeping tide,
stirred my heart;
I tossed and turned
over make believe kingdoms,
where broken castles
shadowed twilight shores;
There this princess
turned into a pearl,
stronger, more beautiful
though kissed
by thwarted love,
reflected in
the calm aftermath
of love’s storm.
Author notes
Option 1
A contest entry
- BIG POINTS….Tons of Options (Fresh Writes Only) by jamiedoring.
2750 points, ended April 30, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Quite romantic and dreamy but it didn't really seem to "go" anywhere, did it? It seemed to just come to an end but no conclusion. Or so I thought.
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The metaphors in this piece are wonderful, and you carried the reader (me in this case
from one metaphor to the next. I absolutely love the metaphor of the pearl!!
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Its like a beautiful dream , One which if i were haven i would not want to awake from
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AMAZING PIECE
This flowed ever so elligently and masterfuly written, you have great work. Love your imagry it is most lovely. Many blessings to you my friend
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Your imagery is amazing and you really bring these words to life. Great job!
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Beautiful, I love the imagery and the story it tells.
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Very Nice!
This was a beautiful read. I very much like poems that are short, to the point, and you can understand what they mean. Well done!
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:D
Amazing poem...
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love can produce many different emotions.
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how lovely
your words are as transforming as the princess grows into the queen she was meant to be, thank you for sharing this!
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excellent~
It is beautiful
Has lovely imagery and metaphors
Best of luck in the contest
Do hope you come visit me as well
Hugs
Susan~~~
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high-spirits you have
you really can cheer one up who is suffering a bad lovelife
i personally thank you -
I liked the point that you let readers know ,that there is life after a breakup and you can be happy again.
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EXELLENT POEM
This makes a powerful contrast with what is popularly called 'nature poetry'. There is no assumption that the scene before the poet can be rationalized either in terms of the 'beautiful' or as 'nature red in tooth and claw'. Nature here is a play of impersonal forces in which the human has to struggle for a place
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Carly Pop
I think Im the only guy that read this. Some of us(men)
like the lovy dovy stuff.lol As stated, this is very
good.Very emotional. Made me want a day on the beach.
Joe
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Oh wow, this was truly beautiful. Your words left me breathless..
You wrote with such genuine emotion & passion.. you really make the reader FEEL.
Loved your imagery.. spread across the page so gracefully.
All together, love's masterpiece!
Glad I read your poem, you are very talented and I see we share similar thoughts on love too -
great wirte, strong and passionet. Made me smile.
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I was blown away by the first stanza, it is fantastic, the rest is not as strong but overall, I think the poem is beautiful, it has a flow and besides, one can't push inspiration, can one?
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I tossed and turned
over make believe kingdoms,
where broken castles
shadowed twilight shores;
AMAZING lines! Loved this....your words cast beauty onto the screen. Thank you for the lovely entry.
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I like this poem not sure about the first stanza, it might withstand some alteration or punctuation to help it. Good luck in the contest, and dont take critisism to heart Its all good
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Amazing
This is such a sweet and touching poem and succinct in its conveying of emotion.
Wonderful piece
xoxo
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This was amazing... such imagery and well-done unique style is rare to come across nowdays-- excellent job! Keep on writing :]
-Ellie
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Awsome
I liked this piece, dear poet. I got a totally different picture after I read it than what I got from the title at first. But it was still a great piece, good flow and beautiful message. Again, a wonderful piece.
XxTwigxX
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