Frivolous compositions,
machinate existence.
Money?
What importance?
But you my dear,
hold me close and near.
Inevitable,
fear dawned
but don't run.
My dreams
cant take the weight,
pressure or speed.
Golden glows,
of worms in the night.
Black sparks of dark, hide
in the cracks.
Yet light, holds us together.
Forever, as sun of day
and sleep of night.
Never run!
Meander, down the stream of life.
Dream of me.
and my dreams of you,
will be the soles
of your feet.
As you
walk
with me.
In a list
A contest entry
- ~William Butler Yeats - The Passions of an Irish Poet~ PIF by Pamela A Lamppa.
875 points, ended April 22, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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hmmm special sumone eh?
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hey
that was so great i wish i could feel like that who r u thinking of? -
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i wish i could feel like that too, thats i guess why i write about it
well i hope you find your happiness in life, it would be a bit of a dream, wouldnt it?
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hey
what and who were u thinking of when u wrote this i loved it
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I do like this piece so much and am pleased to see you condense it to 10 lines. I think it could have been pared down even more for a stronger effect.
You have handled the prompt so well and touched the soft and the hard that lies within it. I loved that about this poem.
I may have moved it to this direction, if you don't mind my taking a liberty with your verse. All your words and poetry, just tightened up a bit:
"Frivolous compositions machinate existence!
Of what importance is money
when you, my dear, hold me close and near?
Our dreams should never carry the weight of departure,
those golden glows of worms in the night;
black sparks hiding in the cracks.
Our light holds us together -
forever as the sun of day and sleep of night
meander our stream of life.
Our dreams carry the souls of our feet as you walk with me."
Just a few thoughts.
Truly a delightful and promising entry. Thank you so much for this. Best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela
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Oh this is lovely, but must be 10 lines in order to adhere to the contest specs. Plenty of time to tighten up and perhaps use punctuation where your line breaks are to give the desired effects? Too good not to. I will be back. ~Pamela
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