In time when bread was a day older
wine poured spare but raised to generous lips
and I sat with you and my dreams
kindness in eyes, nascent night skies revealed
inner warmth, most giving of all upon humblest table
time was our great gift, caring and peace shared
as night galloped, moon raced like a silver storm
to rise of sweet dew 'pon rose in folds
our humble dress gave way to rich caresses, and dawn
was last smoky wisp of a dear spent candle.
In a list
A contest entry
- ~William Butler Yeats - The Passions of an Irish Poet~ PIF by Pamela A Lamppa.
875 points, ended April 22, 2008, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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crystaldust
A lovely poem, gentle and precious. Congratulations on the silver.
Joy -
can i just drool all over this page w/envy????
no wonder you have a ginormous amount of trophies!!! I loved the third line so much! it spoke words of love and compassion in a cold airy night!
brilliant piece, i will have to come back to a lot!
Yeats would be impressed, i think. Though, his work wasn't as...um, soft as yours!
Rianna
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You brought me to tears with this beauty. So pure and genuine are gifts from the heart. When it is said that the best things in life are free, they are talking about what you have written here.
Your title richly displays 'cost' and how precious each moment spent in the burning of it truly is. A humbler, simpler time, without the parades and the fanfare. Without the glitz and the glamor. All gloss and show, when the real riches lies within a simple touch, a sparkled glance, - a precious kiss.
Wonderfully written to this prompt. Thank you for this beauty! ~Pamela
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Love it..
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H, this is so beautifully done, the dew 'pon rose sounds so you, as if it could be your voice etching across this lovely memory and message of love.....
rising and falling breaths
lovely lovely lovely
G.x
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Beautiful
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I love the idea of older bread and of a humble table, and I really love that you used the word nascent, simply because it is a fantastic word and most people don't use it. I can tell you've worried over every word and syllable in this piece, because the diction is perfect. I only have two small things to suggest: first, the moon as a chariot has been done, so I was surprised to see something so common here amidst all of your wonderful imagery. Just a thought. Second, you may think about your punctuation - for instance, it seemed odd to me that the only place you had a period was at the very end, especially when this piece is composed of more than one complete "sentence" or thought. Anyways, I really enjoyed the read and will likely read it another 2 or 3 times before I leave the page. Excellently penned!
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