Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

In Elysium



 

 

through the canyons thick with pine
under oak brush, under aspen

 

atop a broad dike's craggy spine
bathing, in the tears of heaven

 

over granite cold and sober
aneath a canopy of night

 

when the moon is off to slumber
all the stars, rain silver light

 

pouring oe'r the lovers, cradle
limbs entwined, hair entangled

 

nestled deep, in one-another
floating, in a dream of summer

 

oe'r the meadow, in its hue a gold
over snow caped heights

 

within a wing-ed galleon

upon the oceans of the night

 

 

 

 



 

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12
  • *smile*

    that was so , so beautiful, just the kind of dark imagery i love and need to see....please keep up your work...


  • vampira1665 silver member
    April 3

    Edit | Reply
    This was beautiful. Very soft and soothing piece. The title caught my attention and I am very pleased I took a moment to read.

    vampi


  • XLadyElinorX
    October 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    oh this is lovely. Really beautiful. Excellent use of words and imagery. It just makes me sigh . . I love how you used rhyme but not exactly, it gives such warmth and romance. . . *sighs*

    Splendid write, poet!




  • endofgame123
    May 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful. I really like the use of some of the older language ("aneath", etc). It seemed to increase the romance of the piece.


  • Mistress Masquerade
    May 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so beautiful, your word chice the imagery, it really brought this work to life and made it an absolute pleasure to read. this filled me with a sense of calm. simply fantastic.


  • Wolfdog silver member
    April 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Ab so lut ly fan tas tic. I love your imagery in this write. It brings back warm and pleasant memories. Thanks for sharing this one. For those not familiar with "Elysium", here's a link to click on:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elysium

    "down the dank
    mouldering paths and past the Ocean's streams they went
    and past the White Rock and the Sun's Western Gates and past
    the Land of Dreams, and soon they reached the fields of asphodel
    where the dead, the burnt-out wraiths of mortals make their home"
    (Odyssey 24.5-9, translation by Robert Fagles).


  • Teshi
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is beautiful, gives me all kinds of memories in this life! its awesome, nice job!


  • Ishtar
    April 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    My goodness!


  • Perception
    April 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellent write.

    Very line... Amazingly detailed.
    Really brilliantly done.


  • Wolfdog silver member
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Ah, what a write. I felt like i'ld gone a'sailing upon sensuous seas with a wonderful lover or two. Very well done, my friend. Hope all is well with you.


  • Angelflower
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow.. this was so beautiful... It sounds like something(if read) that would be whispered softly, (like a short story) to a lover... Well done.. you bring such beauty to life with your words... Beauitfully done..

    Jetleena


  • balakirev
    April 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think it's hard to make rhyme work really well, and you did -it's not corny, and it fits. The poem shows a deep understanding of nature.

1 - 12 of 12