through the canyons thick with pine
under oak brush, under aspen
atop the broad dike's craggy spine
bathing, in the tears of heaven
upon the granite cold and sober
aneath a canopy of night
when the moon is off to slumber
all the stars, rain silver light
raining onto lovers, cradled
limbs entwined, hair entangled
nestled deep, in one-another
floating, in a dream of summer
oe'r the meadow, in its hue a gold
oe'r the snow caped heights
within a wing-ed galleon
upon the oceans of the night
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Beautiful. I really like the use of some of the older language ("aneath", etc). It seemed to increase the romance of the piece.
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so beautiful, your word chice the imagery, it really brought this work to life and made it an absolute pleasure to read. this filled me with a sense of calm. simply fantastic.
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Superb
Ab so lut ly fan tas tic. I love your imagery in this write. It brings back warm and pleasant memories. Thanks for sharing this one. For those not familiar with "Elysium", here's a link to click on:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elysium
"down the dank
mouldering paths and past the Ocean's streams they went
and past the White Rock and the Sun's Western Gates and past
the Land of Dreams, and soon they reached the fields of asphodel
where the dead, the burnt-out wraiths of mortals make their home"
(Odyssey 24.5-9, translation by Robert Fagles).
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this poem is beautiful, gives me all kinds of memories in this life! its awesome, nice job!
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My goodness!
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Excellent write.
Very line... Amazingly detailed.
Really brilliantly done.
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Superb
Ah, what a write. I felt like i'ld gone a'sailing upon sensuous seas with a wonderful lover or two. Very well done, my friend. Hope all is well with you. -
Wow.. this was so beautiful... It sounds like something(if read) that would be whispered softly, (like a short story) to a lover... Well done.. you bring such beauty to life with your words... Beauitfully done..
Jetleena
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I think it's hard to make rhyme work really well, and you did -it's not corny, and it fits. The poem shows a deep understanding of nature.
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