It was always the four of us.
Drowning in the moonlight
and dancing to the tune
of the friction of denim jeans
on coarse concrete.
We sat above the streetlights
bathing in the stars,
letting our laughter echo
around the town;
I abandoned my fear of heights that night
to give myself over
and be the loudest one in the group.
Placing cold hands against the ledge,
we took turns yelling into the sky;
howling like wolves into the sleeping town.
We took solace behind the wall of the building
to illuminate the ends of our cigarettes,
and watched as the cherries floated like
disembodied heads in the dark.
When the time came to sleep
there was no question as to whether or not
we would use this structure as our mattress,
and wake before dawn
to keep our haven a secret.
These are the things we’ve dreamed of;
floating above the town,
eyes opening and closing like the shutters of a camera,
trying to capture the perfect shot
to seal the memory in my head forever
because in those hours,
we were just a little closer to heaven.
Author notes
this is the story of the night my friends and i climbed onto the roof of our town hall and spent the night there.
this happened just recently,
and will happen many more times in the future.
i hope this is what you're looking for.
=]
Option #5
=]]]]]
Good luck judging!!
In a list
A contest entry
- Night Life by MuddyKing.
800 points, ended April 28, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options !! [PW ALLOWED!] by innocence jaded.xx.
625 points, ended July 13, 2008, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memorable moments by Barefoot poet.
450 points, ended September 9, 2008, 15 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - This Is Me by Jasmine Rayne.
1100 points, ended August 30, 2008, 23 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Sell me a Second... !!UBER CONTEST!! UBER CONTEST!! by Ditt0.
800 points, ended September 22, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Ok. I really digged this poem. It was a flippen awesome story and I think you did an amazing job with telling it. However I think you bent the rules a lil with your description, but it I didnt DQ just cause I liked it. Next time read more carefully and concider. Still a great write.
Great piece. -
Very Special
So many lovely things here - sights and sounds - I particularly loved " dancing to the tune of the friction of denim jeans on course concrete" yahoo!
and " floating above the town" ahh! well done
from Moonbeam -
I like this poem a lot, you captured the moment really well with your words. Thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!
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great job i love this poem
good luck in the contest
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This...
is SPECTACULAR...I'm in awe.....utter awe...
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I love this write. ^_^ It reminds me of those fun college movies that they always come out with.
"Placing cold hands against the ledge,
we took turns yelling into the sky;
howling like wolves into the sleeping town."
I love the sense of freedom felt in this stanza. Beautiful.
"We took solace behind the wall of the building
to illuminate the ends of our cigarettes,
and watched as the cherries floated like
disembodied heads in the dark."
This is my favourite stanza. I love the tranquility felt within it. A very uplifting write. Thank you for entering.
-Lily♥
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AMAZING!!!!
WOW!!! Great poem!!! Outstanding!!!!
"Drowning in the moonlight
and dancing to the tune
of the friction of denim jeans
on coarse concrete."
And the ending... ahhh!!! Perfection!!!!!
I am at a loss for words! I was truly moved!!!
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Thank you for your kind comment.
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reminds me of the times my friends and i used to sleep in the local park
best of luck
--kat -
Congrats on the HM..
First off, I really like the title. Drew my attention right away.
This poem has beautiful emotion in it, very easy to identify with, those great past memories that last a lifetime..
"eyes opening and closing like the shutters of a camera,
trying to capture the perfect shot"This is "perfect", an awesome simile. I enjoyed your poem very much. Thanks for posting it!
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I LOVED this. Incredible. You did an amazing job with the imagery, because I pictured this almost perfectly. Amazinggg piece.
"These are the things we’ve dreamed of;
floating above the town,
eyes opening and closing like the shutters of a camera,
trying to capture the perfect shot
to seal the memory in my head forever"
Such true & vivid lines;; I think we would all just want to stay in a certain moment forever, but things go by too fast and things end wayyy too quickly. You did an excellent job of portraying that. Keep writing !! Thanks for entering & best of luck to you !! ♥
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this is exactly what I had hoped for, this is so descriptive...you took me to the rooftop
loved the phrasing throughout
excellent entry
best wishes
peace Muddy
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Thank you. I'm glad you like it =]
it was a cool idea for a contest!
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