Station's static cataclysmic recall,
televisions scream while flipping,
tripping viewers eyes flawed.
Particle whirlwinds are dipping,
struck down and inhaled by Satan's black pall,
as his craven hands clawed.
Awed ants barge
up tiny hills,
the ancient survivors swoon.
Strewn sepulchers' bled prayers that appall,
Newborn spring roaches earth ripping,
nipping stretched skin abroad.
Cracked lips speak of nuclear stripping
all the fetid limbed nay sayers bawl
Viewing spring daisies strawed.
Laud the charge,
Men practiced drills.
Bodies flew over the moon.
Soon, none survived to see mankind's terror,
barer Earth bestowed by human error.
In a list
A contest entry
- Invitation only by individuality.
1000 points, ended April 21, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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very well done on this form...good flow...yes us humans forget to care and your piece speaks truth in volumes-well done.
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the contents of a war and all the strugles of it all.
carry on with the pen of ink till in runs dry.
Tamara
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Wow, very,very good poem here,The Ragnarök feeling here is very good ( I say Ragnarök because i cant spell the other end of the world words...)
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Televisions screamed while flipping,
Underwhelmed undone viewers
the end of line two needs to be the same rhyme scheme as the beginning of line three, so flipping and underwhelmed rhyme.
line four -
Stricken by Satan's draining pall.
should be the b rhyme of line two, you have it as the a rhyme
and line five needs to be the a rhyme so you have those two lines the wrong way round.
straw and ants need to be the same rhyme as verse two starts with the c rhyme
the same applies with verse three and two, crawled and approached need to be the f rhyme
in the third verse you have completely different rhymes to the first verse, they have to be abc bac
and again too, the end of line two must rhyme with the beginning of line three.
alone and the - they need to be the same rhyme.
and the fourth verse must be the same rhyme as verse two.
No one survived the treachery of men
Even the roaches didn't reach roach spring.
again here, the first word must rhyme with the end word of the previous verse, also men even and spring all need to rhyme.
it is tricky when you have never written one before all the counts are right, you just did not stick to the rhyme scheme
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Good imagery and visual expression in this! I liked the style it was written. THANKS!!
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