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Cardhouse Dreamer

Get it out of my head
this loss of breath
is mental
not physical...

or at least that's what I tell myself.

A contest entry

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Comments


  • Exodus gold member
    May 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmm...
    There are a lot of interpretations on this one. I'm not quite sure what to make of it to be completely honest with you. I like it but I'm not sure why, and that leaves me feeling slightly unsettled.

    Thank you


  • luna-midnight gold member
    April 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lol. this is strong, nice take on the prompt
    and good luck
    take care
    stephanie


  • notorious
    April 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "Get it out of my head"
    I think that 'it' could be replaced with 'this'.

    "this loss of my breath"
    The 'this' here could be changed to 'my' maybe? It just sounds better when both of these 2 lines are edited to those. Or something else, if you can think of something else?

    "or at least that's what I tell myself."
    Hmm...more could be done to make this a more chilling ending...maybe "what I tell myself before I sleep". Or something like that.