My heart has never worked so hard
[to keep up with how strongly I feel for you]
today, tomorrow and a thousand forevers.
Parting isn't such sweet sorrow;
for only sorrow resides when my fingers are
no longer interlaced with yours
[our bodies no longer tangled together.]
How is it sweet to wake up from my nightmares
with nobody [half-asleep] to mumble
they love me, & it'll be ok?
Everything about you is utterly perfect;
[the sound of your voice
the gentleness of your eyes
your messy hair
your soft lips
the sincerity of your smile
the way your arms fit perfectly around me]
just everything.
All the time in the world still isn't
quite enough
[& you're never close enough no matter
how tightly I hold you.
Never let go.]
Author notes
Madison Mary.
A contest entry
- Real Love by EmmaLuLu.
360 points, ended April 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Unrhymed Verse. by Perception.
700 points, ended April 30, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [Flash] .Give me love. [Flash] by PrettyxoxPoison.
1200 points, ended June 15, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
awwwwwww this piece was so sweet it made my heart ache...i can relate to the feelings, like this line i loved-all the time in the world still isn't quite enough, and you're never close enough no matter how closely i hold you. really reallyyyy good!!! good luck in the contest =)
-
'All the time in the world still isn't quite enough", this is such a beautiful line. I really enjoyed reading through this, all the best for the contest.
-
This is a beautiful piece
I agree with Perception about the imagery
I loved it as well
I think your vocabulary is fine though
My favorite part was:
Parting isn't such sweet sorrow;
for only sorrow resides when my fingers are
no longer interlaced with yours
[our bodies no longer tangled together.]
How is it sweet to wake up from my nightmares
with nobody [half-asleep] to mumble
they love me, & it'll be ok?
It was really sweet and I think it brightened the poem up.
Thank you for the lovely entry
Good luck!
♥[Katee]♥ -
Wow. This is wonderful. I love the imagery, though I thought you could use a bit better vocabulary -- But, that's just me.. It didn't take away from the piece.. But, this really just put me there... But me in the descriptions...
Very well done
Thanks for entering
-
Real love
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
