Breath held momentarily...
...as he took her by the hand...
After all these years, whispering lightly...
...across the smooth pale flesh of her neck; inaudible words...
..........that to this day, could still make her blush.
She smirked, un-relenting...
...unwilling to give in. He smiled softly, whispering - "Breathe."
A contest entry
- Quote Inspired - Under 50 Words by Exodus.
525 points, ended May 10, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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wow!
i likw the whole style of this poem and tructure... a deep write! amazing work, keep penning kays!
AWESOME!
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Liked this take oen the prompt given in the contest. Breathe - sometimes hard to do when one is so anticipating something.
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Personally I think you've abused periods in this, and it detracts a lot from a great write. Certainly a very different interpretation than I expected when I wrote the prompt.
I think if you used line breaks rather than periods the effect would be a lot stronger.
Other than that it's a lovely piece, thank you
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great write and good luck
nice look at the prompt
take care
stephanie
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