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Hazy Reality

Lazy lady empty belly, in my dream.
Indolent town drifting in time, aimlessly.
Blank expressions from every star from here to
Cassiopeia.

Recurring and wilted flowers everywhere,
with stale perfume and unmade beds in rented
rooms that all look; cold and blank as granite stone;
habitually.

Dreaming in dreams, temporary decampment,
only to find the waking hours disappointing
with empty purse and reflections from mirrors;
paradoxical.

True awakening in cathedrals, candles light
showing the way, the only way to repent
when the solemn dreams scare the shit out of you;
ecclesiastic.

 

 

 

Author notes

Option #3
Sapphic form:

The first three lines, 11 syllables long, are called hendecasyllabics; the last line, only five syllables, has a name that seems designed to make up for its diminutive status: the adonic. In addition to its strict syllable count, the stanza also has a very particular meter: in the first three lines, two trochees, followed by a dactyl, followed by two more trochees; in the last, one dactyl and one trochee.

Source: Mairi bheag

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13

  • PerVirtuous
    April 22, 2008

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    I don't understand this one. I have read it several times. Sometimes you just go over my head. The form is excellent as always. The language is colorful. I like it very much.


  • Pure Thought silver member
    April 20, 2008
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    Beautifully written

    The last stanza sums up life pretty well.


  • Faeryn
    April 20, 2008

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    well among many things I learned from reading this poem is that the Sapphic form goes under the category of "impossible forms" right under the triolet.

    I really like the poem, Amera. The third stanza is my faovrite.

    Tay

  • Papagallo
    April 20, 2008

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    Well, I am confused in reading this one. You have caught me in reading this several times and I keep getting lost. It is sad, dark, and lonely in the lines you have penned. Perhaps, I need to focus better. Take care, Papagallo


  • Soulful Woman silver member
    April 20, 2008

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    You have a knack in bringing everything to life. No matter what form you use, you capture the attention of the reader. Beautifully written.
    Soulful Woman


  • Ithica silver member
    April 20, 2008

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    There is alot about this I like... No so much for what is said but all the things lurking around that wasn't.


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    April 20, 2008

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    Oh m'god, this makes me want to go back and hit my poetry handbooks.
    Amera this is grand
    and shows the power and beauty that the old forms still have.

    Sappho, what a minx
    and smart as a whip too.

    lovely

    d


  • malmadre gold member
    April 20, 2008

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    These words carry such an air of mystery, and the form is quite different from anything I've read, I wouldn't dare attempt this one. The imagery is wonderful!


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    April 20, 2008

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    Bold use of the sapphic form, with the quirk of single, five-syllable words for the fourth line of every stanza. Tricky to get the meter right, Sis. Good luck in the contest.


  • Poetry-and-rhyme
    April 20, 2008

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    ohhh sissss this is so dark to readdd it caused me to cryy almosttt:S:S but its such a great piece
    great work sis


  • RedAquarius
    April 20, 2008

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    Looks like a difficult form to me but it flows wonderfully when read aloud. I was thrown off a bit by shit as the rest of the language is so fluid but I think, in the end, it works - for it is jarring and fitting for the stolen dreams.


  • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
    April 20, 2008

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    Very interesting and seeming intense form...but pulled off in my opinion, a great poeitc piece



    Cindy


  • Tercil gold member
    April 20, 2008

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    You've given a stained glass visual, a kind of purity echos here, and maybe, just a glimpse of the soul which brings out this calming effect as you are so obviously showing yourself. The quote of, " disappointing with empty purse and reflections", tells me that maybe, you don't like what you see, which is quite strange, cos what I feel I see is a perfection in the making.

1 - 13 of 13