Death for me; this miracle
joyfully I accepted tired
of life's atrocious pangs.
Embracing the experience
my destiny hangs.
Tormented many years;
so I counted out freedom
at last I'll get rest.
Killing my pains forever
my heart knew best.
On my merry way life's
secrets that I hold;
started asking me why?
"Is this the only answer
for you to die?"
Life is so unpredictable
always has been unfair;
I have suffered here.
Facing abuse, danger it
will be easier there.
Entering silvery gates
I saw demons everywhere
surrounding the pitch.
So this miracle was
truly the bitch.
What could I do; to
escape my chosen fate?
My spirit raised-up
smiling darling
it's to late.
"What have I done?"
Author notes
Trapped in the afterlife now really scared wondering:
"What have I done?
A contest entry
- Escape From The Afterlife! by brightXdarkness.
600 points, ended June 20, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
Very scary. It really gave me chills because the villain in this story was you. You created your own mistakes and you chose this for yourself whether you meant to or not. That's what I like about the poem, the message it conveys to the reader is scary and haunting, but it is also clever, well written, and profound all at the same time. I thoroughly enjoyed it! Good luck!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
oooo I like this. It has a sort of eerie feel to it and probably would have made me want to reconsider suicide if I was suicidal. Great. This is what I am looking for in this contest. For me to read a poem and not want to die. haha. You could have used more imagery, but the emotion was very well done. And I love that last stanza/line, "it's too late." and "what have I done?" it's an excellent ending!! Thank you for entering my contest, and best of luck!!
Alex -
Haunting
My first impression of this was a sense of gladness. It really depends on your life experience, I guess. Life can be unpredictable, But it is how one reacts to it. But your meditation on this subject is brilliant none the less.
-
Very poignant read. Stirring and emotional. Life is unpredictable and unfair for many. And so many take their own lives because life here becomes unbearable, or so it seems for them, and I can't judge another person's experience or agony or anything.
That's our human side and we are fallible by nature.
You certainly have me pondering the afterlife and being trapped. We just don't know. Do we? I sure don't want to be trapped. Sometimes it already feels that way now, but the tides always turn. We know high tides and low tides. It's patience we should work on. For me, personally.
Thank you for sharing something I believe many people need to read. Best to you in the contest!
Kelly
-
This is an exquisite entry for the contest.I believed you have done an excellent job on the poem .The tone,the stylistics,the wording and uneven nature of the metrical arrangement coupled with the punctuation in the flow did help to make the poem amazing as it probes philosophically into the myth behind afterlife.
-
Excellent write! Who's to know what lies beyond? The final stanza is the stuff of nightmares. Well done and good luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
