This is what the close has turned to be
I think this is hell because
Everything is grey
Objects sometimes shimmer, and seem to suggest a film of color beneath
But right away they fall back in place, as if a wind has died away
Leaving them lifeless
The floor is of clear glass, and underneath thorns of foreign gray plants rise and fall,
Equal in ends which will stab
If I were to step too comfortably
I feel I will become utterly mad if I stay in this grey place any longer, but
I cannot plot clearly
My anger I’ve wounded up in here has bubbled up inside me,
I cannot release it or the glass will crack and I’ll fall to the thorns
What is there to do in this grey place—die?
I’ve already done that.
A contest entry
- Escape From The Afterlife! by brightXdarkness.
600 points, ended June 20, 2008, 27 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Ahhh carllii I LOVE YOU!! your comment made my day^_^ THanx youu
Im sorry its short lol I get impatient writing long poems hehehe
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Kimmy!!!
That was an amazing entry! Love the images you created with your words. I almost wish the poem could have been longer so I could have read some of your pretty words some more! But alas, poems, like human lives, have to end sometime and there's nothing you can do about it :'( Either way, great poem, great story, great...everything! Good luck!
Sincerely,
ModernXTimes -
OOOOO!!! I like this one a lot!! It started out with the lines, "Objects sometimes shimmer, and seem to suggest a film of color beneath
But right away they fall back in place, as if a wind has died away
Leaving them lifeless" that really caught my attention, but than it didn't stop and it really made me think. I love the idea of you not being able to release your emotions, how you being trapped in this hell of an afterlife is more like being trapped in a white room in a hospital. You worked VERY well with the prompt in feeling the need to escape the afterlife, and even the reader feels the pain. Thank you for entering my contest, and good luck!!
Alex -
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i almost see an image of a book with thin pages with only one picture one ontop the other one in color another in black and white just fading and fading then back in again watching as you describe the glass breaking like cracking an image. very nice
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