Who I Am

For far too long
I defined myself
By what I did
And what I didn't want

I was the razor blade
The one that made the scars
That are very nearly faded now
Easily covered and concealed

I was the finger
That slipped down my throat
To make dinner slip back up
A dangerous habit I haven't broken

I'm done with that
I'm someone new
That may be me
But it's not who I am

I am the rhinestones
That make up the Planet Hollywood logo
On the black babydoll tee I bought
On my last night in Orlando

I am the low-rise jeans
That nearly cover the twenty-dollar
Black-and-white Converse imitations
Because why pay twice the cost for the same shoe?

I am the purple eyeliner
The box of burgundy hair dye
The NYC concealer and Revlon foundation
The Pucker Passion lip gloss

I am the Harry Potter series
I've reread a hundred times
I'm the posters and the clothing
The notebooks and the inspiration

I am the hands I used to use
To hold him close with
But also, I'm the hands
I used to let him go

I am the jeans nailed to the wall
With the many Sharpied signatures
Of everyone who cares
(And that hot guy I'd never met before)

I am the Goo Goo Dolls CD
Greatest Hits, Volume One: The Singles
That's been playing for hours
In my stereo, my theme music

I am the ridicule
And also the encouragement
I am the tears of despair
And also the peals of laughter

I am no longer the wreck
That I used to call myself
I've left that self behind
To make way for who I really am