Her fingers fly as they cover the spaces,
making sounds vibrate when she covers places;
instrument is shiny, black and so slender,
part of the marching parade, all in splendor.
Licorice stick is a favorite of mine,
others, too, like the music, it rocks, it's fine;
toe tapping sounds as they progress down the street,
people clap as they move, all shuffling their feet.
Clarinet is so rich, the tone it's mellow,
can be played by either, a girl or fellow;
appreciate music, no matter the kind,
universal language, stimulates the mind.
Playing with passion, all their members in sync,
joined because of love for this pass time, the link;
leader struts in front, then they follow behind,
all in even rows, and then firmly aligned.
Bands are so colorful, they make a parade,
it's more than just floats, then nobody's dismayed;
the uniforms just look smart, spiffy and bright,
could watch a parade all day long and all night.
Author notes
POW
theme: watching parades; particularly the clarinet
players.
VOTE
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW by Arkbear.
1000 points, ended April 21, 9 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Favorites & Library Members by Piccola.
600 points, ended May 18, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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Congratulations on the silver.
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read this before and I still love it. You captured everything well. I was just watchng that movie the other day with Robert Preston...76 trombones lead the big parade ...The Music Man! that's it.
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Thought so I commented on this way back, but I still find it an exilarating read.
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Oh the fun in a parade I love the kids and the smiles on the faces makes this a wonderful afternoon grand imagery and flow written in these words I could hear the band playing... thank you for posting this enjoyable read
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Those are my favorite parts of watching a parade as well, so this brings back memories. I still remember watching my high school band march in town parades, and at games. They had the honor of marching in the Rose Bowl Parade 4 years running, and the Cotton Bowl Classic. They were awesome from what I remember. This piece is awesome, and I love licorice! (Thought I was the only person in my group who did..
)
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instrument is shiny, black and so slender,
part of the marching parade, all in splendor.
Licorice stick is a favorite of mine,
others, too, like the music, it rocks, it's fine;
toe tapping sounds as they progress down the street,
people clap as they move, all shuffling their feet.
Bands are so colorful, they make a parade,
it's more than just floats, then nobody's dismayed;
the uniforms just look smart, spiffy and bright,
could watch a parade all day long and all night.
this is great I love it congratulations on your honor and thank you for sharing your poem with the group
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The marching bands and other music groups are definitely my favorite part of watching a parade. I played the clarinet in school, but alas, my school was too small to have a marching band. Your words and imagery form the scene very brightly in my mind and evoke pleasant memories indeed.
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love how you portrayed music in this piece. so well penned.
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Loved the visions this inspired, transported front and center and enjoying it all. Congratulation on the HM.
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I really enjoyed this piece. It has a nice flow and I was actually tapping my foot! It reminded me of this past weekend. Our area has an annual poppy festival. This year we had local bagpipers ... It was so nice to hear and they were a lot of fun. Nice job, again I enjoyed it very much.
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This is original and unique. Congrats on the hm trophy especially in the type of contest. I haven't entered anything yet the judged have liked. My poems have all been too cliche.
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Electric as usual. I can never have thought use this as a subject. You capture the child's wview so well.
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That was a brilliant write. I could never have thought about creating something like it. Love these lines-
"appreciate music, no matter the kind,
universal language, stimulates the mind."
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I came to love bands when my son was in one in middle school (he played the trumpet). I really like the first line, also comparing a clarinet to a licorice stick. I kinda wish there was more about the girl playing the clarinet. All in all, a good piece.
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This has a very sing-song feel to it. Lovely words here, parades always remind me of childhood.
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Aww i loved this, its really well written. It reminded me of the maching band at the school i went to when i lived in america. Nice job, I use to play clarinet!
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Hi Erika,
Gosh, I haven’t been to a parade in years...and this reminds me of the one and only thing I do NOT like about them ~ the bands!
Floats, horses, fire trucks, clowns throwing candy, I always enjoyed those parts. Maybe our local bands have just never been all that good. 
Okay, first...sadly, you missed a new rule Bear threw in this week to keep everyone on their toes, and to put a bit of variety and a challenge into things. So you might want to check out the second to last rule that states “no letter ‘e’ in the second or last lines of your poem” I see several of your fellow poets tried to warn you, so not sure what happened there, but it’ll be a deduction.
Bear gave a great review already, especially on the technical aspects of the poem, so I don’t want to sound like a broken record. However...there are some other things I’m not too crazy about, so I’ll go ahead and at least point those out. Mainly, I had problems with flow. There are quite a few filler words that aren’t necessary, and your lines vary in syllable length just enough to be awkward when I read this out loud. Evening that out even a wee bit would benefit the poem a lot, IMO.
Secondly, while I really enjoyed the words you rhymed, some of it seems very forced. L2 of your last stanza stood out most, with “then nobody's dismayed” seeming to come out of nowhere and not connect all that clearly to the preceding statement. Also:
“all in even rows, and then firmly aligned.” This seems redundant, since “aligned” basically means in a straight line. A couple others too, but those were the most noticeable to me.
With a very fun and unique theme, all this really needs is some polishing up, IMHO. It feels like you may have been a bit rushed. With spaces being few in the PO contests I can understand that, but be sure to take advantage of the time between when you submit it and when we come to judge, to do any changes that might be needed.
Thanks so much for an otherwise lovely entry, and good luck!
Best wishes,
~J. -
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Hey Julie......>>>>>
I think Erika thought I meant the last two lines, because when I reviewed it again.....after reading her comment on *Ostrich With No Ease*, I see she did do two lines without *e*'s....but unfortunately she thought I said *last* Two......I think ~
Was the Rule confusing IYO?
Let me know,
Bear ~ -
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Hi Bear,
I was just going through entries one last time and noticed the same thing...at least twice she commented on working to get those E's out...yet the last line has an "e" too, in "parade"...It wasn't confusing IMO, but obviously something got confused.
ERIKA, HELP US OUT HERE, HON!!! What happened?
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Eeeeeek!!
*E*rika.....I missed your second line and the *e*'s when going back through entries.....I am so sorry....I have to edit your score my dear ~
Ability to Follow Rules* will be 9.0 instead of 10 :(
Changing your score from 97.9, to 96.9 ~
Still not bad though!
Good luck!
Bear ~
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Hi Erika :)
First thing I noticed..>>>
pass time.....is actually spelled, *pastime* :)
....AND, that sentence, is where your Flow took a dive in the wrong direction :( ....but only for a brief moment :)
Next two lines......take out the word....*then* ...in both lines....as it is not needed ~
Last stanza, first line.....take out the word *are*.................and *make*, should be...*form* a parade ~
Last stanza....3rd line...take out the word..*just*.....don't need it....it is redundant ~
...and then last line....place *I* before "could watch a parade all DAY and ALL night long ~
A litttle bit of editing there :)
So.....with all of that said.....this is one of the top reads this week :)
Great rhyme....not elementary and very appealing grammatical choices :)
Loved the Imagery....the Power of thought....the Impact on my senses....the Lasting Impression.....and only a few areas which were, IMHO, a tad bit off on editing.....but other than those fewa areas....a very happy, rich and delightdful read for me this week :)
Loved the way you made your subject (clarinet) take on a life of its' own......very nice job!
Let me get it on the scoreboard....this should be interesting....hehe ~
Good luck and God bless,
Bear ~
Title 9.0....Very cliche'.....would loved to have seen a nice metaphoric Title capping this piece of work :)
Flow 9.15
Depth 10
Theme 10
Feelings 9.95
Grammar 9.85
Presentation 9.95
Uncommonness 10
Sit & Ponder Affect 10
Ability to follow Rules 9.0.....E's in second line :(
Bears Score: 96.9
Excellent job!
....the Title and *E*'s hurt a bit, but still a great job!
No editing ~
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A great poem, love the descriptions, we don't have parades here so the only ones I see are on the TV..and they look fab. A wonderful piece, good luck in the contest with it. I would double check the rules tho
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Well I absolutly HATE parades, lol...seriously, hate with passion....but that aside...Really enjoy the poem. Great write. Nice flow and I always love rhyme. Good luck!
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You're funny
....hehe ~
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March on, poet! Love this poem!
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'spiffy and bright' love it! Carrying us along with the parade in your description and so true, what you've said about music. All the best to you, Sol
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I love parades but only catch them on tv it seems. Love all the colorful and unusual floats. But the marching bands are the mainstays of most parades.
(recheck the rules - new 'quirk' thrown in....lol...took me 1/2 hr. playing with mine to get something I liked
)
best wishes in the contest.
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I love parades!
Please re read the contest rules! There's a new one you missed! They want to keep us on our toes! lol
Best wishes in the contest.
Write on!
*PEACE*
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I love them as well
We have several parades in our city and some of them truly are spectacular . The bands and the tone we have on halloween makes me laugh with all the interesting costumes displayed . I do love a good parade
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