My heart grows neurotic with every beat
My hands will not stop until it's complete
What is this? A pencil; my narcotic toy
It slides contradicting, all that I destroy
Outside, I am painting the picture of sadness
Inhailing the mourning, displaying my madness
And as I breathe out, so does a lament
Deep under my skin, this is my decent
So what has been darkening to my dismay?
Just an untitled poem with nothing to say
I press the pencil to pure sacred white
Inverting the colors of beautiful light
Turn around felicity, and separate my mind
Take away reality, and leave it all behind
These words are reflecting cold, hardened despair
Of which to my terror, will never repair
Author notes
April 19, 2008... I write poetry that reflects my mood. This is what the poem is about. The sadness of the words makes me happier.
A contest entry
- Baffle me with your words. Enlighten me with your brilliance. by SarahPodo.
600 points, ended July 9, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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I looked at this poem's title and thought I wouldn't like it. But, I've definitely changed my mind.
You've described what a poem really is.
Emotions, bottled up or not - what you're feeling, who you are. Profound or not, it's something real that you've made. I love it!
I fell in love with the 3rd stanza ~
"So what has been darkening to my dismay?
Just an untitled poem with nothing to say
I press the pencil to pure sacred white
Inverting the colors of beautiful light"
You put such a great touch on this poem because of these words. It's definitely my favorite part.
I can't really see anything that I'd wish for you to change. It's a great write that has great punctuation and the flow is almost flawless.
You started it with beautiful words, and ended it just the same. I ended up really liking this when I thought I wouldn't. Just shows that I'm wrong a lot of the time
Thank you soooo much for entering.
Sincerely,
dovey ~
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wonderful piece. i liked your descriptions and the imagery of your pain
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I can definately relate to the sadness of the words making you feel happier. Well written. Best wishes and thank you for entering.
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Even though I will not be scoring your entry, I wanted to leave a short note. I felt really bad when I saw your choice to disregard one of our rules after fellow poets had pointed it out to you, because I really enjoyed your poem. Normally we deduct a point for a missed rule ~ but normally, entrants don’t purposely break one. When I know several if not most poets had to put extra time and attention into meeting the challenge Bear presented to them, I just wouldn’t feel right giving a trophy to someone who chose not to put that same effort forth.
Had it been a matter of protecting the integrity of your poem somehow, that I could have understood...but I’m afraid you’ve taken a lot of the fun out of something that was meant to be just that - a fun challenge for our poets. I also feel bad because there is another poet out there who would have loved to have your spot in a contest that only has 10 spaces...
I do hope you’ll consider joining us again, but please be sensitive to the rules which, even if you don’t think are necessary, are there for a reason.
Best wishes,
~J.
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I just wanted to clear this up because I feel bad--- I was not in any way trying to disregard the rule or say "F YOU" to it or anything... I just didn't see it when I first wrote the poem and I didn't know how I could possibly change it to fit the contest... If I had attempted to, it would have sounded very forced and really interrupted the flow of the poem. I decided to not change it because I did not want to ruin my work of art for a contest... I am very sorry and I will probably continue to enter the Poem Of The Week contests.
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I'm glad to hear you'll still join us.
Wish you had put something about this in your AN even...it would have helped us understand that it wasn't such a blatant disregard to the rules. But don't sell yourself short if something like this ever happens again, (though the chance is probably 1 in a million? lol) because I'm pretty sure you could have met the challenge with flying colors. 
Peace and Blessings,
~J.
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Hi there ~
Well, you're right Amanda.....that Rule wasn't there the last time you were here, and that is why we encourage each Poet to read the Rules every week, as we change them around to keep the entrants on their toes, as well as keep variety in the contests ~
....and since you deliberately disregarded the Rules, I have to disregard your entry ~
I'm sorry you took this approach to a contest where we take each entry VERY seriously, and we try our best to give honest and thourough reviews and critiques with each entry as well ~
You were even forewarned by your fellow Poets to edit, yet you still decided to turn a blind eye,
......be well and God bless you,
Bear ~
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'I press the pencil to pure sacred white
Inverting the colors of beautiful light'... These are qualities of the 'reality' expressed in the world too, so it isn't all glib.
Turn around felicity, and separate my mind
Take away reality, and leave it all behind... yes, the 'reality' your mind makes here isn't reality and I don't see any benefit in calling it such, in fact I think it's detrimental. The Reality of the world is surely awesome and grand, a world of 'beautiful light', just as you have penned. As you suggest, I think, it's our conjectural minds which mostly cover it over to be otherwise. This brings about mass illusion not 'reality'.
Hope you will excuse me expressing my thoughts about this, hope even more that the despair will melt, with these considerations. All the best, Sol
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I really like the lines,
'I press the pencil to pure sacred white
Inverting the colors of beautiful light'...very nice!
best wishes in the contest.
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I don't know why you would want to play the game of being DQ'd
They probably won't....they usually just take off points for not following rules. Best wishes in the contest.
Write on!
*PEACE*
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If you wrote this poem at another time your mood might be completely different. Interesting to see what happens.
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Psst! Read the rules carefully!!!
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Actually, I think I'm just going to leave to poem like that and get DQed... The last time I did one of these contests that rule wasn't there, and I don't see why it needs to be... I don't really want to change my poem, so I'm just going to have to fail this contest...
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A great poem, very well penned. I would go back and read ALL the rules tho before the judges come
Good luck
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