When I think of your name
I think of mountains
and a clear river's stream,
it reminds me
of my childhood
about shells
warm soft sand on my palms,
my maidenhood dreams.
When I think of you
I think about dark green wood
the smell of conifers and wild strawberries,
about moon's dance on the sea,
while the wind in my hair
competes with your fingers...
...and I return to early morning rooster’s reveille.
With your name I can see
springtime's merry poppy fields,
lazy yellow summer butterflies
autumn's spilled palette
and winter's enchanting snowflakes dance.
When I speak your name
it flies from my lips
easy
like a bird.
Author notes
2.
In a list
A contest entry
- songbird by Nicolette.
1200 points, ended May 6, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! II by Nam.
1750 points, ended June 8, 122 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Where Does This Path Take You? by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended June 3, 13 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I was pulled by the simple, imaginary intensity with footing
The way you start your first stanza is so strong, it's your personal origin, overhanging. Still brilliant in different parts of day, even far away. It's / they aren't gone from your figurative visual if you aren't right there. "and a clear river's stream" gets poetic because of moving right into how modern and memories can be combined~ the creak also implies a metaphor of years, back in time. Line 8 has a synonym that ranges the whole virgin cycle since infancy.
You have much reference to nature's echo of sparkling gems; and pine trees always have a flowering essense even though it bears no bouquet haha. And, a richness like berries that get to enlargen as big as possible are a small luxury to go and take a milestone whiff of. These lines, "while the wind in my hair competes with your fingers" make me recall going in the breeze with car windows down, then having my mamma comb through it later... the closest I can feel of your laughter and singing.
The words in italic beautifully present participation, causing relaxing pulsation. Stanza three opens up some of the points in each season, carrying 'you stock it, I don't need to cry until it comes into reality.'
I'm fully opposite from loathing, "easy like a bird," no hesitation, shyness or anything love couldn't classify. A winged creature does it, lasting in durations to every goal with setting.
It's hard to see why you didn't get in the finalists on the current contest, but congratulations on your other trophies!
Daisy -
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Dear Daisy, I wondered who was so brave to go so deep and to read this poem the right way and I was surprised how somebody so young as you are (I went to your site to see who gave me this kind of comment. I do not want to offend any poet of any age on this site) can read this kind of poetry the right way. In my opinion only the real poets can do that. Those who are reading not only with eyes but with heart too. Don't wonder if you can see it on the finalist list. Poets are only people with different taste for poetry. The point is that the real poets mostly do not write poetry to impress other people, except when it is written to somebody special, they write to fulfill their own needs to express inner feelings. It's always nice to read some good suggestion, not only "cool and great". Because of that I will go to your site to read your poetry. I am sure I will find something nice there.
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I'm getting accustomed to this again after forgetting about it, as when you replied my family was getting ready to move
However, I did think your compliments were really sincere because of how much you explained about how natural poetry can be, in fact I don't think it turns out as well if you stiffen the expected quality. I can relate... a few months ago, on a different account I tried writing sad by that I perceived the judge wanted that genre. Didn't win anything anyway, which is fine, I probably didn't deserve it lol. I love being inspired, typically by nature and my mamma, sometimes fused.
Thank you for the courtesy you gave in your response,
Daisy
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this is beautiful and I love the detail!
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Thank you for your entry, good luck in my contest, Josie
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I'm not very good with punctuation (why I hardly use it in my own work) but in this part:
"warm soft sand on my palms
and my maidenhood dreams."
I felt that a comma would work best at the end of the first line, and the removal of "and" of the second to be like:
"warm soft sand on my palms,
my maidenhood dreams."
Or something to that effect. Other than that, a great poem that you have written here.
-Nam
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This is a lovely lovely write, sonja.
"With your name I can see
springtime's merry poppy fields..."
And then the last lines...
Simply beautiful!
Congrats and best of luck in this contest too!
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Outstanding
This poem is dramatic with a great flow of images that are full of poetry. I liked the ending very much with a well-chosen similie that brings the poem to a nice conclusion. I liked the natural imagery that flows throughout. Congratulations on the trophy.
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Beautiful
Such a soft sigh!
Congratulations
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congrats on the silver, Sonja! this is still one of my faves by you...such a beautiful poem
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Oh, this was stunning! Congratulations. I love the ending, simple, yet so so true.
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"while the wind in my hair
competes with your fingers..."
Just loved those lines, Sonja! And the closing lines are simply wonderful too... "easy like a bird" - love that!
Your poetry always bring the reader such wonderful visuals and you always weave natural elements and scents into your poetry - i almost want to say your poetry is "fragrant"!!
A beautiful song you've penned here... "easy as a bird"! Thank you for a lovely entry.
~ Nicolette
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Thank you dear Nicolette for such a great comment and for this very special silver.
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I am revisiting this one. This is breathtaking, stunning, & such an outstanding poem. I love it so much, Sonja.
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Beautiful
this is so nice and lovely Sonja.
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This is beautiful, so many images that one name evokes for you, and loveliness in all of them. This is a pleasure to read and think on.
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"When I speak your name
it flies from my lips
easy
like a bird"
Sonja!! This is simply exquisite! One of your best ones! This is sensual, beautiful and just... MARVELLOUS! Wow, I love the images here... and the last stanza is purely divine. I wish I could writel ike you, Sonja
- namita
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My dear friend, with your poetry you are perfectly writing your soul and your love. Each poet, with no exception, could find the words and expression of his or her own wishes within some others lines of poetry. All secret lies between the moment of writing and the muses touch. I am so glad that you likes mine.
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This is so perfect for this contest.
I especially love the last stanza.
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"When I think of you
I think about dark green wood
the smell of conifers and wild strawberries,
about moon's dance on the sea,
while the wind in my hair
competes with your fingers..."
Sighhh...such beautiful descriptions lie within these lines, my Friend...such a lovely yearning, an utterly complete delight in all things natural & real...These are the moments we long for, the moments we work crazily for in order to know their sweetness. Good luck in Nic's contest, Poet. Wanda
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a simple yet delicate weave of love like a tide of water that flows to the sea again and again.
very beautiful. I like the slow waltz to it.
Tamara
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wow - Sonja, this is one of my favorite poems of yours...this is very, very, beautiful..sensual & soft..*sighs*
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ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS!!!!!
Such beautiful descriptions!!!! When one describes with nature nothing but the most beautiful comes out.'s
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